The Alluring Temptation of Loneliness

Why sometimes it's easier to be a "lone wolf", and why it's dangerous to become attached to solitude.

Nighthawks by Edward Hopper, 1942

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the incredible demands of Christian life. Maybe those of you who’ve been faithful all your life have grown used to the selfless nature of life under Christianity, and thus can practice it somewhat effortlessly.

For me —and I think for all of us who’ve come to the faith after wasting years pursuing the things of the world—, it’s different. The way I lived before Christ came to save me is radically different from the way I strive to live now, and certain things remind me of how life used to be when I was walking down the wide road to perdition, and it’s a striking contrast to realize just how many things I need to give up in order to live virtuously.

One of those things is the attachment to solitude.

The Temptation of Solitude

Solitude is not something that most people consider to be a negative temptation, but allow me to make my case.

It’s not that being alone is always and necessarily negative —that is obviously false—, but rather that loneliness can easily become an escape from the very real duties of being a Christian, and even more so a Christian man.

Some amount of solitude is needed so that you can hear God’s voice, spend time with Him and develop more intimacy with Him. For those called to the religious life in particular, solitude becomes an essential necessity that needs to be prioritized.

But for those of us who won’t be monks or hermits, beyond the necessary silence that solitude provides, it’s wise to remain vigilant against becoming overly attached to it, because loneliness can distract us from the selfless service that Christianity demands.

Loneliness becomes escapism when you use it as an excuse to avoid the Christian call to sacrifice. When you’re alone, you don’t have to care about anyone else and you can do whatever you like. This provides a sort of “freedom” that is very enticing, but oftentimes incompatible with a life oriented towards service.

Solitude, then, promises a peace that is really just freedom from the discomforts of self-denial for the sake of others. And that can be incredibly alluring.

When you’re tired, irritable, and emotionally spent, it’s tempting to retreat, ignore everyone else, and just be alone for a while. And sometimes that is absolutely necessary. But if you get too used to it, if you become accustomed to retreating into yourself every time you feel a bit tired or uncomfortable, you’ll slowly create the habit of solitude, becoming increasingly incapable of functioning without it. This builds a habit of always prioritizing yourself, even at the expense of others who might need you.

That’s when solitude becomes problematic: when it becomes a reason not to serve, a reason not to be present in the lives of others who might need your company or advice.

Solitude becomes a problem when it starts going against the Christian call to service and becoming a selfish excuse to prioritize yourself over those you love.

It’s also unrealistic to expect a life in which you can choose to spend some time alone whenever you wish. If you’re called to marriage (which most of us will be), it’ll become increasingly difficult to find the precious solitude that we have become so attached to. Kids will come, your spouse will need you, and you will necessarily have to develop the sacrificial love founded on self-denial that makes a marriage work.

Attaching yourself too strongly to solitude will not train you for the constant acts of self-giving that having a healthy family will demand.

Give Yourself Completely

Christian life is a life of service, of sacrifice, of bringing light to the world and offering the best parts of you to the people you share this journey with. And that often means that you’ll have to sacrifice your own plans to play that role better.

You are called to give yourself completely out of love. To love God first and foremost, and then let Him love others through you, by being there, by being present, by sacrificing your own comfort for the sake of those who need you.

The most beautiful thing is that it’s only this life of service that will bring you the peace that loneliness promises. Maybe you’ll be physically and mentally exhausted more often than you’d like, but deep down you’ll find rest in the knowledge that you are doing God’s will, using your life in a way that pleases Him, and doing your very best to become an example of His selfless love.

For whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
— Matthew 16:25

May we all, like Christ, lose our lives in service to others, and may we detach from the selfish solitude that only serves to bring us fleeting rest, so that we can find the lasting peace that only comes when we carry the Cross of sacrifice faithfully.

Ad Maiora Nati Sumus,

Juan

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