Top 10 Things Keeping You a Little Boy

Quit these now and grow into the man you can be.

One of the biggest tragedies of our postmodern world is that the vast majority of men are remaining little boys well into adulthood. They might grow up physically, but spiritually and mentally, they remain forever immature.

The difference between boys and men is that men have the capacity for self-sacrifice, self-denial, and discipline. Boys are controlled by their emotions, they lack long-term thinking capabilities, and they enjoy childish forms of entertainment. It’s perfectly understandable to act like a kid if you’re 14 years old, but when a man is 30 and still acting like a little boy, you know something has gone terribly wrong.

This is slowly becoming the new normal. Men who never grow up and never step up into manhood. Men who remain little boys inside, lost and directionless. This is not only society’s fault, as we’ve done away with rites of passage and make it difficult for men to behave as men (I’ve written about this before), but also because men are not being intentional about becoming men.

We cannot avoid the responsibility each one of us has in his journey towards manhood, and while society is partly to blame, we too have a responsibility to sacrifice those things that keep us tied to childhood so we can grow into the men we’re called to be.

Let’s get right into it. Here are the top 10 things that are holding you back from becoming the man you’re called to be:

#10: Instant Gratification

But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
— Romans 8:25

We’ve all become way too used to having all of our desires satisfied instantly. Hungry? You get food delivered to your house instantly. Bored? There’s 200 different shows to watch at the click of a button.

Boys can’t fathom having to wait for the things they want, and it’s a trait of immaturity to lack the patience to do so.

The cure for this attitude: Voluntarily engage in things that take require time and effort: for example, make a commitment to a training routine or commit to creating a work of art —a book, a painting, a song— without shortcuts.

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#9: Too Much Focus on Female Validation

Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.
— Luke 12:7

It’s sad to see how desperate most men are for female validation. Their entire lives revolve around getting women to like them. This is true both of the lost guy who feels lonely and just wants a little affection, and the seemingly confident pick-up artist whose entire life revolves around being liked by women.

I don’t say this from a place of judgment. I was like them once. Most teenage boys go through a period of time when the only thing they can think about is girls. This is normal, but again, the problem arises when that attitude remains over the years, leading men to idolize women and crafting their entire lives around seeking female validation.

Female attention has become the idol of many, and it’s something that keeps you forever bound to immature and often carnal desires. When your life revolves around women noticing you, you won’t ever grow into the leader God needs you to be, for your family and community.

The cure for this problem: Get closer to God. Find your identity in Christ and make it your mission to be the man He needs you to be. Remember that your value doesn’t come from the world or things on it, but from God and God alone.

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#8: Marvel Movies

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
— 1 Corinthians 13:11

This one might be somewhat controversial, but I promise I don’t write this intending to judge you or criticize you. I use Marvel movies as an example because they are the most popular form of childish entertainment that grown men are hooked on to, but I’m really referring to all forms of entertainment that are meant for children and boys: video games, childish TV and movie shows, anime, etc.

Of course you can watch a move here and there, especially with your children or younger brothers if you have them —although Marvel movies are not even fit for children now, as woke and bad as they’ve become—, but under no circumstances should a man older than 18 know and get excited about all the “easter eggs” and “crossovers” of the entire Marvel multiverse. It’s a net negative to be so invested in childish things because it distracts you from more fruitful, productive things.

These forms of entertainment also serve as escapism for many, who get deeply invested into them and forget to take care of their real lives. These things keep you from maturing and keep you hooked to childhood, directly impeding your development as a man. I know because I was an avid gamer until a couple of years ago.

You can always spend your time and energy more productively. There’s always something better to do than spending countless hours playing games or watching movies. These are legitimate forms of recreation, but you need to be very careful that they never become an attachment.

The cure for this attachment: Find better forms of entertainment, make a conscious decision to detach from fictional universes, sell your console and TV if you cannot keep yourself from using them. Donate the superhero T-shirts.

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#7: Complaining and Whining

Do all things without grumbling and disputing, in order that you may become blameless and innocent, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverted generation, among whom you shine as stars in the world, holding fast to the word of life, for a source of pride to me in the day of Christ, that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.
— Philippians 2:14-16

Nobody respects a man who’s constantly complaining. It shows weakness of character, lack of self-awareness and entitlement. This is something that boys do out of frustration, but when a man does it, it just shows deeper character issues.

A man is supposed to solve problems, be in control, and bring stability to any situation. A man who complains adds to the chaos and fails his role as a man.

The cure for this attitude: Make it a point to stop complaining about anything. Become aware of any time a negative word comes out of your mouth and stop yourself from complaining further. Meditate frequently on the suffering of our Lord and of all the martyrs, to understand you have no real reason to complain.

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#6: Lack of Struggle

One day, I saw two roads. One was broad, covered with sand and flowers, full of joy, music and all sorts of pleasures. People walked along it, dancing and enjoying themselves.

They reached the end of the road without realizing it. And at the end of the road there was a horrible precipice; that is, the abyss of hell.

The souls fell blindly into it; as they walked, so they fell. And their numbers were so great that it was impossible to count them.

And I saw the other road, or rather, a path, for it was narrow and strewn with thorns and rocks; and the people who walked along it had tears in their eyes, and all kinds of suffering befell them.

Some fell down upon the rocks, but stood up immediately and went on. At the end of the road there was a magnificent garden filled with all sorts of happiness, and all these souls entered there.

At the very first instant they forgot all their sufferings.
— Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska, #153

Suffering purifies. Suffering matures. We’ve tried our hardest to do away with struggle and suffering, and for the most part, we have succeeded.

However, as we are starting to notice, the avoidance of suffering isn’t always a good thing. Suffering serves a purpose, and it teaches us to grow up, it helps us to become wiser, stronger, humbler, and overall more virtuous.

We are not growing up because we are not struggling. We are remaining boys forever because we are too comfortable.

The cure for this attitude: Introduce struggle into your life. Commit to learning difficult things. Practice asceticism. Discipline your body. Fast. Take cold showers. Go for some days without your phone. Adhere to a strict workout program.

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