The Man of Self-Control
Lord, help us to gain self-control so that, by obtaining mastery over our passions and the worries of the present world, we may live in the hope of your coming. We ask this in your most holy name. Amen.
There is no greater mastery than the mastery of yourself. True mastery over your own passions, temptations, and emotions will only come through faith. A Christian man has a very specific role to play: he’s meant to be the order and direction in the middle of chaos, undisturbed by the turmoils of the world, fully focused on his vocation and standing strong in his values. To be the leader that your family needs, it’s imperative to develop uncommon self-control, to be able to act in the right way even when emotions, pressures, and people pull you in another direction. To have self-control is to remain grounded in the values we follow, and to act on them regardless of the circumstances.
How does The Man of Self-Control look like?
He is a man of action, not a man of passion: a man of self-control acts intentionally and voluntarily, choosing how. Passion as understood here doesn’t mean being enthusiastic about something, but rather a way of acting that is determined by our feelings and emotions. A man of action is, obviously, proactive. He chooses how to act and is the ruler of his faculties, whereas a man of passion is pushed around by his emotions and is reactive to them.
The man of self control rules over his base desires, such as the desire for food or sex. He knows these are natural impulses which have a place in his life, but he knows they can very easily lead a man to gluttony, lust, and excess. The man of self-control is capable of ruling over these desires, instead of having these desires rule over him.
He is not enslaved by comfort. He doesn’t allow himself to be constantly seeking things that are comfortable and easy, and he doesn’t baby himself. On the contrary, he regularly practices asceticism and challenges himself to experience discomfort, because he knows his will and toughness grow in discomfort.
He knows how to control his emotions. This does not mean that he ignores them, hides them, or doesn’t take them into account in his decision-making. It means he acts in a manner that is right, regardless of how he’s feeling, and even when his feelings want him to act in a different way. He does not let feelings of anger, anxiety, stress, sadness bring him down or cause him to act irrationally. He keeps his emotions in check for his own sake and for the sake of those around him, who look up to him as an example of poise, self-control, and stability.
The man of self-control maintains careful watch over his eyes. He knows what he consumes through his eyes has an effect on his soul, and knowing the restless and curious nature of his male gaze, he puts an effort into controlling it and not allowing it to wander wherever it might go. He is not addicted to “eye candy”, as he understands that it can serve as a trigger for lust and sexual immorality. He is especially wary of pornography —including the softcore pornography often seen in social media and movies—, because he understands how deeply toxic it is to the male psyche.
He also guards his ears carefully. He knows that whatever he consumes through his ears, be it music with degenerate lyrics, gossip or slander, he pays attention to the things he’s listening to and tries to filter out those things of no value to him, his vocation, and his well-being. He tries not to listen to music or podcasts that will open the door for sin to come into his life.
The man of self-control guards his speech with special attention. He knows that controlling his words is a sign of total control of the self, and he knows how easily his own words can trip him up, harm others, and he knows the power of his speech to bring forth both evil and good into the world.
“For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
- Matthew 12:37
For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.
- James 3:2
The man of self-control is moderate and balanced in his activities. He works hard but doesn’t let work consume him or become the center of his life. On the other hand, he doesn’t let laziness cause him to be mediocre. He knows how to balance his work with his relationships and his development as a man holistically, across other areas of his life.
He rules his finances wisely. He doesn’t spend his money irresponsibly, but he doesn’t make an idol out of it either. He lives modestly within his means, is generous with his wealth, and doesn’t let the love of money corrupt him or lead him astray from God. He asks God to keep Him humble frequently and to remain pure in his intentions.
The Lord needs you to be a man of self-control. Regardless of your profession or particular vocation, a man needs to be a bringer of order and stability, and this won’t happen unless you keep careful watch over your passions. I encourage you to ask the Holy Spirit for the true freedom that comes when being in control of yourself, so you can free yourself from the slavery of temptation, emotion, and worldly influences. Use the characteristics listed above as a blueprint to guide you, so you can remember, on your daily walk through life, to exercise self-control in everything you do.
Thank you for reading!
This post was inspired by one of the daily reflections of the Exodus 90 app, a great app that I highly recommend for any man of faith.
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God bless you,
Simple Man
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