Practical Advice to Prepare for Marriage (as a Single Man)
10 practices to start before marriage, to find, keep, and lead a virtuous wife.
On Wednesday, I posted an article sharing the good news of my engagement, and also going through some lessons I learnt about how to become a man who’s ready to get married.
In it, I promised I would post a more in-depth “protocol” detailing how you should prepare for marriage even before meeting your wife, which you’ll find in this article.
Now, something important needs to be said before I get into it, and that is that the end result depends on God and God alone. You can do everything correctly. You can be a great man. You can long for marriage. But it’s God who ultimately decides whether or not you’re ready (and if marriage even is your vocation). For that reason, take this advice with a grain of salt, and don’t forget that the most important thing is to align your will to God’s, and to gracefully accept whatever He wills for you.
The advice you’re about to read has served me well, and it has undeniably been instrumental in helping me find and attract the great woman I’m going to marry. But this isn’t an exact science, and as stated, God’s plan might be different from yours. So while I, of course, recommend you follow this advice to increase your chances of finding (and attracting) a good woman, I want to reiterate that there’s no guarantee that that’ll happen.
However, one thing that I absolutely can guarantee is that whatever happens, following this advice will make you a more responsible, more mature man, which is always good.
With that out of the way, here’s the “protocol” I recommend you follow to build yourself up into a virtuous future husband:
Step by Step Protocol To Get Ready for Marriage
Step 1: Make a commitment to chastity
The process has to start here. Lust is possibly the greatest vice of our times, and learning to correctly order your appetites is fundamental to become an uncommon man in a day and age when most remain boys forever.
Notice I didn’t say “live a completely chaste life”, not because that isn’t the ideal, but because perfection is not a prerequisite for marriage. What’s most important it to be committed to pursuing the virtues of chastity and self-control and actively working towards them.
My conversion —as shared in other articles—, started with this commitment, and this was the “yes” I needed to give God to allow Him to start changing my entire life. I cannot overstate the importance of this step. Do not skip it.
How to: read the following articles, and in prayer, ask God to help you develop the virtue of chastity. Ask Him to purify your heart, your intentions, and your life.
Step 2: Develop a mission (beyond just getting married)
A woman needs to see that you have direction and purpose, so she can know she’ll be joining you in the pursuit of something meaningful, instead of her being your source of meaning. This will allow her to relax into her feminine nature because she’ll know that you won’t make her responsible for your happiness by idolizing her.
Identify what God is calling you to do by analyzing the natural talents, curiosities, and interests that you have, and ask yourself how you could put them to the service of others. You won’t find the answer instantly, but preparing your heart and being intentional about trying to find that mission will slowly start to bring clarity and point you in the right direction.
You need to have a clear vision and a clear direction so you can communicate them to the woman who you hope will accompany you through life.
How to: try to find an Ignatian retreat near you, or if not, take some days to go through the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius on your own. The goal is to learn to recognize the motions of the Holy Spirit in your heart so you can more closely understand God’s will for you.
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