Life In Shades Of Blue
Surfing waves of melancholy.
There’s a blue filter coloring the world in front of me. It’s difficult to describe what I see, but just imagine a world in which all the colors lose their brightness. In the daily hustle, in the concrete mess that is this city, I miss the colors that I remember from my childhood. Either the world has gotten paler, or my eyes are no longer fit to see its true colors.
Whatever the case, I’m now involuntarily wearing blue sunglasses and they cast a blue shade over my life.
I see another version of me in my daydreams, he looks upon a world of green and clear yellow light, a world of stone, wood and grass. He doesn’t know —or doesn’t remember— the unnatural burning heat of concrete, the smell of combustion, the power lines across the sky, the strained, bloodshot eyes of a life amidst blue light. He’s unfamiliar with the sounds of cars honking, of people screaming at each other, of everyone rushing for no reason at all. He doesn’t know the pressures of corporate life, the incessant stress of always waiting for what comes next.
What strikes me the most about this vision is that he’s happy. He’s not thinking and overthinking every little thing. He doesn’t care about things that do not matter. He lives surrounded by beauty and in this beauty he sees glimpses of God.
I know however, that even in this vision, his melancholic heart still longs for something else. All the beauty in the world won’t ever satisfy him fully, and while he doesn’t see the world as blue as I do, there is still a soft shade darkening his existence.
I realize that it’s not because of me or him that we see the world like this. It’s not due to the melancholic heart that God has chosen to give us. The problem lies not with us, but with the world itself. What’s in the world, no matter how beautiful, is simply not enough to fill the hole our hearts have and heal the wounds time has opened up.
Maybe this future version of me has made some progress and restored some of the color to his world, but he still lives in shades of blue. No matter how much he cleans up his world, the veil will never be fully lifted from his eyes, because life itself is melancholy, life itself is a valley of tears, this world is a place of exile, and all the beauty in it won’t ever bring total peace and heal completely your shattered heart.
What my heart wants is perfection, a beauty so impossible that it will never be attained in a world tainted by the evil of humanity.
I desire a beauty so immaculate that nothing in this world will measure up to it. But I realize that while I wait, I can find temporary joy in the reflections of eternal beauty that I get to catch glimpses of, in the smile of a child, in the smell of coffee in the morning, in the sunset behind the mountains, in the soft breeze of the Caribbean ocean, and in the loving eyes of my woman.
Caught in this oppressive web of man made shackles, I think of the day when I’ll finally see the face of my Savior. I hope I see Him smile as He calls me by my name and tells me I did well.
I hope he finally removes this blue veil from my eyes so I can see, undisturbed, the colors of Heaven.
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Well said. I really resonate with your writing and relationship with Jesus. Thank you!
Yes, we “see in a mirror dimly, one day face to face!”