For Us, There's Only War

Every generation fights a different battle.

All that it takes for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

I also dream of something simpler: a wife, children, animals, and a peaceful life in the mountains, away from the chaos and toxicity of our times. I dream about throwing my phone into a crackling fire and watching it melt away, taking with it all the anxiety and pain. I dream about returning to the way we lived before, when all a man knew was what was right there in front of him.

When I walk around my city and all I see is gray on top of gray, when the power lines distort the view of heaven and when that same heaven is hidden behind pollution and dust, I think about this dream.

When I see the men around me hide their pain behind sad smiles, when I see them numb themselves with alcohol to forget the sorrow in their souls, I think about this dream. And as much as it pains me to accept it, my dream is naive and cowardly, for to live it would be to abandon the fight and run away into hiding, leaving behind all those souls who are lost and hurting. This dream is impossible in a world ruled by evil.

We are the weak men amidst the hard times. And it will stay that way until someone has the guts to lead the charge and bring about the next phase of this never-ending cycle. Someone has to do it. Might as well be us.

We were born in the middle of a cold war and maybe God's will is for us to lose ourselves in our work and dedicate our lives to some purpose that will help reclaim the culture. Even if we crash and burn in the process. Perhaps that is how we’ll get to make a dent in the world and help those that will come after us live in a world where not everything is toxic.

I accept the possibility that I won't get to see the end of this war. All I can hope for is that before my death comes, I will have done some good, and I will have fought bravely and honorably, for a cause greater than my own individuality. I can only hope that when I stand before God, He looks upon me proudly, and tells me I did well.

I hope that we sacrifice everything we have and secure a better world for those souls not born yet, and live our lives clawing at the belly of this beast from the inside out, so that our grandchildren can see the light outside. If we are not to see the fruits of our sacrifice, so be it.

Maybe then will your descendants and mine live in a green, bright world, and be able to enjoy God's earth without running this demonic race against the machine of evil that we call progress. Maybe then there will be virtuous wives for every man and honorable men for every woman. For us, there might be only war. Fifty years of disappointments, fifty years of pain, fifty years of necessary sacrifice to expose the horrors that lurk beneath the surface of this putrid and corrupted social fabric. 

Maybe someday will your descendants and mine be free to live as they please, without black boots pressing their necks, without tyrants watching their every step. Without this technocratic monstrosity that we’ve built tracking their every thought.

Maybe then will your grandchildren and mine return to the woods, and live out their days farming, laughing and working under the beautiful clear sky. In peace.

Maybe they will live off the land and forget the ailments of the poison that we now feed our children, and maybe they will enjoy the dream that we couldn’t. 

But not us. Not now. Not here. Not today. Our duty is to fight. If we are to give our children the freedom we strive for, we can’t cowardly retreat and abandon the fight. We must sacrifice our own peace and choose total war. Only then, perhaps, will your sons and daughters see the open sky again. 

Only then, after this cold war has ended and a new world has been rebuilt from the ashes of this new Sodom, will your sons play barefoot in the grass under skies that are blue again.

And we will look down from Heaven and know our sacrifice was worth it. For even if we couldn’t enjoy the blessings of tomorrow, they will, and through them we live on. 

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This is a chapter of my book, Rivers of Fire, available here. A warning though: it’s a dark book at times, so only get it if you’re willing to push through the darkness and read the whole thing. It’s a raw and honest work, written by a younger me.

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