There are few things more discouraging, in our pursuit of sanctity, than the guilt and hopelessness we feel after we sin. It’s like a bucket of cold water that exposes the weakness of our will and the ease with which we betray our Savior.

If you’ve been striving to purify your soul and get rid from the vices that grip you, you probably know how it goes. You make a thousand promises and start off excited and hopeful, only to lose heart after you fall, again and again.

We all fight different battles. Maybe for you it’s lust and pornography. Maybe it’s gluttony. Maybe it’s greed and avarice. Or maybe it’s some other sin you’ve confessed dozens of times. The specific sin almost doesn’t matter. What matters is that nothing seems to work. You genuinely want to change, you’re spiritually serious, you’re trying hard. But something keeps defeating you.

The good news is that you’re not the only one fighting. Throughout history, many great saints have struggled tremendously, and their struggles and solutions can show us the way forward.

St. John Chrysostom, one of the greatest preachers in Church history, exemplifies something that modern Catholics have forgotten almost completely, and his story is key to understanding how we can finally win the battle against sin and temptation.

His example is proof that you cannot defeat sin (even less so sexual or other corporal sin) with just your mind and soul if you completely ignore the weapon that the enemy is actually using against you: your body.

St. John Chrysostom’s Strength

John Chrysostom (347-407 AD) was probably one of the most masculine Saints in history. He was the complete opposite of a modern comfortable academic intellectual. Before becoming the Archbishop of Constantinople, he spent years living as a hermit in the mountains outside Antioch, fasting, praying through the night and sleeping on the ground. His health was permanently damaged by the severity of his asceticism.

After those health issues forced him to return to Antioch, he became a priest (later a bishop), and became known for the strength with which he preached the Gospel (the name “Chrysostom” translates to something like “Golden Mouth.”) He preached to thousands, rebuked emperors without fear, confronted the wealthy openly, and refused to soften Christianity to make it palatable.

His boldness wasn’t without consequences though. St. John was exiled twice and died in exile, essentially martyred for his refusal to compromise. He was a man’s man, and a saint committed to serving Christ above everything else. His example contrasts greatly against the softness and effeminacy of the average Catholic man.

We can take a look at his years in the mountains, when he was living as a hermit, to learn a great secret that completely changes how we can understand spiritual warfare. This was something that the Desert Fathers knew, that the early Church practiced, but that we’ve completely lost.

And it will transform the way you approach the battle against temptation.

The Unbroken Body

The great insight is that Chrysostom’s spiritual strength came from the incredible bodily discipline he managed to build during his years in the mountains. In contrast, most modern men are trying to fight spiritual battles with a body that’s never been taught to obey.

He understood deeply the concept of the body as a temple for the Holy Spirit:

“But now, instead of organs, Christians must use the body to praise God.”
— St. John Chrysostom

An unbroken body is like an unbroken, untamed horse: powerful, full of potential, but completely wild. It follows its instincts, runs where it wants, stops when it wants, does whatever it feels like. It’s useless for any real work until it’s been broken, tamed, and taught to submit to the rider’s commands.

Your body is the same way. And in the modern world, the problem for most of us is that our bodies have never been taught to endure discomfort. They have never learned to be denied what they want. They have never been broken and disciplined.

Whatever appetite arises in us, we can immediately satisfy it, and thus we end up being ruled by those appetites. Because the body and the soul are inseparably connected, as long as your body rules, your soul cannot win spiritual battles.

For most men, the problem is relatively simple to identify: your body has never been told no and accepted it.

• Your body wants the warm bed, so you sleep in.

• Your body wants food, so you eat.

• Your body wants comfort, so you avoid anything hard.

• Your body wants sexual release, so you provide it.

An unbroken body is a body that’s never been disciplined, never learned to suffer, never submitted to anything beyond its own desires. This concept matters greatly for spiritual warfare because —as the body and the soul are connected— the unbroken body is less prepared to resist spiritual temptation.

This is not a spiritual issue, but a physical one: your body has literally never been trained to endure denial, so it runs wild like an immature child, demanding whatever it wants and making it way more difficult for you to detach from sin.

Spiritual Solutions Are Good, But Not Enough

Accountability groups, frequent confession, praying the rosary, reading books on purity, having spiritual mentors, and memorizing Scripture verses are all amazing and very necessary practices. But I have seen firsthand (in my life and in the lives of others), that they are simply not enough.

How do we expect to impose spiritual discipline and win spiritual battles in a body that’s never been physically disciplined?

An unbroken body, when pressure comes, will default to its instincts: run wild, do what feels good, follow its appetites.

Every time sexual temptation comes, every time lust rises up, every time you feel that pull toward sin, your unbroken body is doing what unbroken bodies do: demanding what it wants and running wild when it doesn’t get it.

Spiritual warfare requires a trained body, not just a willing soul.

This is why monastic life is still built around physical disciplines: fasting, vigils, hard labor, uncomfortable sleeping conditions, exposure to elements. Because it’s only when your body has been trained to wake up when it doesn’t want to, stay hungry when it wants food, endure cold when it wants warmth and work when it wants rest that it can learn to turn away when it wants to look, resist when it wants to indulge and remain pure when it wants sexual gratification.

This is the ancient secret: physical discipline trains the body to submit, and a body that submits in small things can resist in great things.

Disciplining the body, however, is not as simple as “taking cold showers” or going to the gym 3x per week”. Thankfully, using Chrysostom’s example, we can extract a clear protocol that will break your unbroken body, strengthen it, discipline it, and make it a fortress in which the Holy Spirit can safely dwell.

Because you’re not going to overcome lust with a soft body that’s never suffered.
You’re not going to resist temptation with a comfortable body that’s never been denied.

You need to control your body, and we can —once again— use the example of St. John and other ancient hermits and ascetics to understand exactly how.

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I don’t know man, I just feel like I’m never truly here. My head is constantly in another place, in another time. Sometimes it’s the past, sometimes it’s the future, and sometimes I just daydream. But I’m never really here.

I feel like my life is passing by and I’m missing the whole thing. I’m always distracted and always thinking about where I should be, instead of enjoying where I am. What’s ironic is that I should love where I am. I used to dream of a life like this. But now that I’m here, my mind jumps straight to the next stage, never stopping to appreciate what I already have and just, you know, live.

A lifetime spent ignoring the present. Your mind set on a future that no one promised you. Hours wasted dreaming of all the things you don’t have yet.

Careful now.

It’s wise to consider the future. It’s smart to think about the life you want to live. But the ideal life, that greener grass that occupies your thoughts, is a mirage, always out of reach. If you let yourself be too attached to a future life that cannot ever be, you won’t get to experience the infinite potential for joy the that the present one offers.

It’s a balancing act, between letting your innate drive plot and plan its way towards something better, and being able to find silence when it’s time to look at your wife in the eyes and listen to her.

If your mind is too occupied with the future, you’ll be of no service to the people you love here, now. They need your presence, not just physically, but mentally, spiritually, and emotionally as well. Failing to return to what’s right there in front of you will slowly lead you toward the abyss of anxious, restless madness.

This single instant of awareness is everything that you’ll get to experience in the decades you walk this earth. Everything else is either gone forever or not at all guaranteed, for you could leave this world at any given moment.

Regaining control over your undisciplined mind requires an act of humble submission to the eternal. If you believe yourself to be the ultimate master of your circumstances, it’s only natural to slowly creep towards this disconnection from the present. Because wherever you are, whatever you have, won’t feel like enough. Every second you will look at those who have it “better”, and let envy take root in your soul, making it impossible to ever be content and satisfied.

Some might say this is a blessing, for it will drive you forward in matters of the world, towards more success, a better career, a bigger house. It is true that this restlessness can help you attain material success. But it comes at the expense of a life lived forever running. And a rushed life is an ungrateful one. A hurried life removes all color and sweetness from this priceless gift we’ve been given.

You need to savor every second with full intensity, and switch off the plotting, dreaming, and planning so you can enjoy the beautiful silence of just being.

The life you’re currently living can be the perfection you are looking for, if you simply stop for a second and open your eyes. When you see, truly see, how the pieces of your past worked to build this perfect present, gratitude will overflow you, joy will be your default, and you will see how the sun shines just a little bit brighter than it used to. You’ll find enjoyment in the simple things you have taken for granted: a conversation with an old friend, the sweet peace of prayer, the shining light in the eyes of your woman, and the profound joy of contemplation.

When you see that your life is perfect by design, as it fits into God’s overarching plan, you will find a weapon to combat anxiety within you: the certainty that wherever you are is precisely where you’re supposed to be, and that nothing else would be better, as where you are is perfect already. You will calm the storm within your mind only when you’re able to think about the future without letting it distract you from the present, and you achieve that by making faith the rock upon which you stand.

There’s an unbroken chain of events that brought you to where you are, starting not with you, nor with your parents, but with God himself, at the moment of creation. That first act set in motion a plan that brought you here, to this exact moment. That initial event caused a never-ending line of dominoes to begin falling, one after the other, creating a spotless picture that we will never see until the end of time, until every piece has fallen and built the image they were designed for.

From childhood, to boyhood, to adolescence, to adulthood, to wherever you might now be, you did some things and refrained from doing others, you thought some thoughts and forgot to think others, you spoke some words and other times chose to keep quiet, and every single little detail of the life you have lived so far has been a piece that fits perfectly into a massively complex puzzle, designed by no one other than our all powerful Creator.

Take a second to breathe in the air of the present and realize how blessed you are to be alive right here and now. Keep a heart full of faith and a soul full of fire, maintain your gaze fixed upon The Lord, and you’ll see you can choose the joy, gratitude, and fulfillment that you dream about right here, right now.

Ad Maiora Nati Sumus,

Juan

Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed this post and could leave a like or comment it would be greatly appreciated, as it will help my work reach more people.

Also, if you liked this article, you’ll love my book.

Crime and Punishment —perhaps one of the most famous novels of all time— is a book that most people know superficially: they have heard about it and have a vague sense of what it is about. Maybe if you haven’t read it or if you read it long ago, you think of it as a sort of thriller about murder and its consequences, but the book is actually much deeper than that, its main focus being not the external actions and reactions of its characters, but the psychological and spiritual exploration of how a man can collapse interiorly, and how he can find redemption.

Crime and Punishment is a deep book, full of lessons. In this article, we’ll go over just five, the ones which I consider to be most important and most eye-opening. If you haven’t read the book, you should, and hopefully this article serves to motivate you to do so.

Lesson #5: An Ideology That Justifies Evil Will Eventually Destroy the Man Who Holds It

Raskolnikov, the main character of the novel, is a brilliant but impoverished student in St. Petersburg. The book shows us how he has constructed a theory that divides humanity into two categories: ordinary men, who are bound by morality, and extraordinary men — “Napoleons” — who have the right to break laws and transgress morality it in order to fulfill a higher purpose.

“I wanted to find out something else; it was something else led me on. I wanted to find out then and quickly whether I was a louse like everybody else or a man. Whether I can step over barriers or not, whether I dare stoop to pick up or not, whether I am a trembling creature or whether I have the right...”1

Raskolnikov believes himself to be a part of the extraordinary group, and thus decides to test his theory by murdering an old predatory pawnbroker lady. The murder goes wrong from the first moment, and Dostoevsky makes sure that we realize that an evil ideology, when brought to reality, only causes chaos, turmoil, and death. The murder is sloppy, chaotic, problematic, and Raskolnikov ends up also killing the pawnbreaker’s innocent sister to eliminate her as a witness.

Of course, the lesson for us is not about murder, but more so about the specific danger of trying to justify actions that exist outside of morality, of trying to rationalize your way into breaking moral laws by convincing yourself that you serve a larger purpose that somehow excuses you. Dostoevsky’s answer is that no such theory survives the conscience, and that transgressing the law that is written in the human heart will destroy the man who tries to justify the transgression.

As Raskolnikov himself admits in Part 5, Chapter 4: “Did I murder the old woman? I murdered myself, not her! I crushed myself once for all, forever.”

Lesson #4: Only Confession Removes Guilt

It’s incredibly interesting to see how in the novel, Raskolnikov spends a long time trying to think his way through his guilt instead of addressing it directly and repenting to clear his conscience. He’s very smart —you could even say that he’s too smart for his own good—, so much so that he begins to construct intellectual counterarguments against his own conscience to avoid simply accepting the moral transgression he has committed: he reminds himself that the pawnbroker was a parasite, that he has higher purposes and was thus justified, that the suffering he feels is irrational. None of it works to clear his guilt, simply because by committing such a heinous crime, he has opened a deep wound in his soul, one that cannot be rationalized away.

The only true way that a man can find relief from guilt —and Dostoevsky understood this— is through confession.

“What are you to do?” she cried, jumping up, and her eyes that had been full of tears suddenly began to shine.

“Stand up!” (She seized him by the shoulder, he got up, looking at her almost bewildered.)

“Go at once, this very minute, stand at the cross-roads, bow down, first kiss the earth which you have defiled and then bow down to all the world and say to all men aloud, ‘I am a murderer!’ Then God will send you life again.

Will you go, will you go?” she asked him, trembling all over, snatching his two hands, squeezing them tight in hers and gazing at him with eyes full of fire.

Only by explicitly naming the evil that was done, to another person, in full, can the healing process begin. Throughout the novel Raskolnikov makes a series of partial disclosures, as if he was “dipping his toe” in the water of confession. But no hint, no “near-confession”, no partial disclosure relieves him. It’s only when he confesses fully, first to Sonya and eventually to the authorities, that he can finally begin to heal.

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A few months ago, I posted an article titled “5 Ways in Which You’ve Internalized Feminism”. I don’t think it’s my finest work, but I’ll link it here in case you want to read it anyway:

The article was a simple list of ways in which feminist ideas have permeated most people’s worldview, to the point where most of us unwillingly use feminist thinking patterns to evaluate our decisions and our culture:

Even the man who believes himself most resistant to feminist ideology has likely internalized some of its premises without ever noticing the moment they moved in.
— From the aforementioned article.

As it is my custom, I posted a carrousel of the article to Instagram, and was surprised at the controversy it sparked over there. Most specifically, a girl who I later knew was a follower (but unfollowed my account due to this post), crashed out in the comments section:

After reading her essay and realizing that she actually didn’t understand or read the post, the one thing that prompted me to write an article was her self-proclamation as a “Catholic Feminist”. It’s okay to be wrong, but I draw the line at trying to adapt the One True Faith to fit your personal ideology. This won’t be a “rebuttal” article, as I won’t go over her answer, and in fact, we’ll stop talking about her and my Instagram post right now.

This will more so be a short philosophical exploration of why Catholicism and Feminism (and every other “—ism”) are fundamentally incompatible.

“Catholic Feminist” is a Contradiction

Even if we were to concede that the original feminist movement had goals that were in some ways aligned with Catholic teaching (by reinforcing the dignity of women, for example), it’s undeniable that both belief systems cannot truly coexist beyond a mere surface agreement, because even where they —almost accidentally— point to the same practical conclusions, they proceed from radically different motivations.

Catholicism recognizes every single individual’s intrinsic worth, regardless of their age, sex, race, or circumstances, because we are all made in God’s image. Feminism, while it claims to do the same, has as its foundation the critical theory framework of “oppressors vs. oppressed”, not of equal intrinsic dignity but of recovering dignity that had been stolen at the hands of “the other group”, in this case, men.

This is why everyone who claims they align with earlier feminist ideas but not with the current movement fails to recognize that the current expression of feminism is the logical conclusion of an ideology that is founded on Marxist principles of power struggles within groups. Even though initially that could’ve meant that feminism had goals that could be reconciled with the Catholic view of human dignity, it was always logical that as time went on, it would degenerate into what we see today.

As we said, the problem is the foundation of both belief systems: one seeks to respect women’s dignity because they are made in God’s image and have intrinsic worth, whereas the other seeks to elevate women because they’ve been “subjected to historic oppression”. The starting point largely determines how a movement will develop over time.

That is why it’ll always be problematic to associate feminism with the Christian worldview, even if by accident some of their goals might be temporarily aligned.

It’s more fundamental, however, to understand that Catholicism needs —and deserves— to stand on its own, without any qualifiers before or after it. Feminism is simply the most visible current example of a broader problem: the attempt to combine Catholicism with other totalizing worldviews.

Catholicism and Other “—isms”

Any attempt to combine Catholicism —and I’m using the term here interchangeably with “Christianity”— with another ideology or belief system will always do a disservice to the faith, because it reduces it to a set of principles that you can adapt or pick and choose however you like. Christianity is an all-encompassing worldview, that cannot be limited nor combined with other belief systems that are also all-encompassing when they are tied to your identity.

You cannot be a Catholic Feminist anymore than you can be a Catholic Marxist or a Catholic Fascist. You could even argue that, if you’re a Christian, no political or ideological label (republican, democrat, liberal, conservative, etc.) should precede or supersede your Catholic identity. There is room within the faith to hold particular economic or social positions, but every secular belief system will eventually conflict with the Christian worldview. The moment you place the ideology first and Catholicism second, you have reduced the faith —which should be your guiding light— into a merely optional and flexible set of beliefs you can pick and choose however you like.

Chesterton points to this truth in Orthodoxy, when he described how he had attempted to construct his own philosophy from scratch, only to discover that “when I fancied that I stood alone I was really in the ridiculous position of being backed up by all Christendom.”

Every ideology eventually arrives at a question Christianity has already answered, and answered better. Every “—ism” eventually conflicts with the Christian worldview. It’s dangerous to think you can hold multiple all-encompassing sets of beliefs at once, because eventually you will be forced to choose one, and what usually happens is that the most self-imposing ideology triumphs, and that is not Christianity, because, unlike most ideologies, the faith does not impose itself through social pressure or tribal identity.

Conclusion

You can absolutely be more aligned with conservative or liberal policies, but in order to be truly Christian you must maintain your total independence from political and ideological labels, because otherwise you will always end up reducing the importance of the faith so that it fits the ideology you base your identity on.

You are Catholic, period. Say it with your chest, without watering it down with other qualifiers that only seek to make the faith flexible and individualistic.

Ad Maiora Nati Sumus,

Juan

Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed this post and could leave a like or comment it would be greatly appreciated, as it will help my work reach more people.

Also, if you liked this article, you’ll love my book.

Finding the appropriate middle ground between being too soft on yourself and being excessively harsh and scrupulous is one of the most difficult challenges of Christian life. We tend to go too far in either direction right after we’ve fallen: perhaps we recognized that we have sinned gravely and choose to play it down as a harmless stumble to avoid feeling guilty, or alternatively, we become consumed by grief or self-hatred after every minor mistake.

In my experience, for those of us who strive to live a coherent, devout life, it’s usually more of a risk to fall into excessive self-flagellation than it is to become too complacent—a vice perhaps more common amongst those lukewarm or cultural Christians.

For us, who take ur faith and formation seriously, it can often happen that when we fail by relapsing into a sin we resolved against, by losing our temper with our family, or by abandoning a discipline we committed to, we respond by turning on ourselves with a severity we would never apply to anyone else, because we believe that that’s how we know we’re being honest about our failures and that self-flagellation is appropriate or even virtuous.

St. Francis de Sales wrote a chapter specifically for those men who fight against excessive feelings of guilt or despair after falling, and he proposes a counterintuitive solution to finding the virtuous middle ground between self-hatred and disordered self-love.

Who Was St. Francis de Sales?

St. Francis de Sales was a seventeenth-century bishop and Doctor of the Church mostly known by modern Catholics for his book Introduction to the Devout Life. The particularity of this book is that it was written specifically for laypeople living in the world, which makes it one of the most practically applicable spiritual texts in the entire tradition of the Church.

Going back to the problem of self-hatred that we mentioned in the introduction, in St. Francis’s book there is a specific chapter in which this great saint develops a totally counterintuitive argument to solve that problem.

It’s important to note that neither the concepts we are about to discuss (nor this article) are to be taken as defenses of softness or low standards, but rather an attempt to offer a theological diagnosis of a disorder —excessive guilt, self-hatred, unnecessary self-flagellation— that can often be hidden behind the mask of virtue, especially amongst devout Catholic men.

Self-Hatred Is a Form of Pride

St. Francis De Sales argues in Part II, Chapter 9 of Introduction to the Devout Life that the anger and irritation that you direct at yourself after sinning does not usually come from a place of purity of intention, but rather from a sense of having hurt our self image.

This is important, because it’s virtuous to feel some degree of guilt and pain from having wronged a perfect, loving God, but it’s completely different to feel bad because your ego has been shattered.

When a man beats himself up too much after sinning, the motivation behind is not usually that he has offended God but rather that he has failed to be the man he imagines himself to be.

That is, in essence, a form of pride, and St. Francis names it plainly:

“Although it is but reasonable that we should be displeased and grieved at our own faults, yet ought we to guard against a bitter, angry, or peevish feeling about them.

Many people fall into the error of being angry because they have been angry, vexed because they have given way to vexation, thus keeping up a chronic state of irritation, which adds to the evil of what is past, and prepares the way for a fresh fall on the first occasion.

Moreover, all this anger and irritation against one’s self fosters pride, and springs entirely from self-love, which is disturbed and fretted by its own imperfection.”1

Genuine contrition is oriented toward God, as a sincere grievance for the offense committed against Him, and is accompanied by a firm, immediate resolution to make amends and seek absolution. In contrast, the negative self-hatred is oriented towards the self, and is hurt more so by the damage that’s been done to one’s own image than by the betrayal of God’s trust.

It’s not always easy to identify the nuances between both attitudes, which is why St. Francis then proceeds to explain a clear-cut solution for this dilemma: his proposed response to failure is, in a way, more demanding than self-punishment, but extremely effective and applicable instantly.

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Every man must, at some point in his life, make peace with the fact that the vast majority of his efforts won’t ever be recognized on this earth. All the struggles, all the sweat, the quiet perseverance, the early mornings and the nights awake, most of it will remain exclusively between you and God.

All those times you were walking close to the abyss, all those times you felt you could carry no more, the moments of exhaustion and all those times you were just one more problem away from breaking down, that’s just the nature of your inheritance as a descendant of Adam. That’s the inescapable condition of living in a fallen world, often and quite accurately described as a valley of tears.

Some men might come to that conclusion and despair altogether, letting the innate loneliness of being a man consume them. They might choose to curse our first father for his weakness and his wickedness, for his pride in damning us all to an insufficient life.

But others, and I hope this will be you, will understand that we are not just children of Adam, but also, and more importantly, children of God by adoption and grace through Christ.

The former will complain and feel sorry for themselves, slowly watering the seeds of resentment and bitterness in their hearts, while the latter will accept the unavoidable loneliness of this temporary world as a necessary burden, offer it up to God, and keep walking forward, their gaze set on the promises of eternity and their shoulders strengthened by the promise of renewal.

Perhaps that is the most important choice you will ever make: what will you do once you realize this world isn’t enough? At that moment in time, the path ahead splits forever, and you’ll find that at the crossroads of awareness, one path leads to damnation, while the other one leads to heaven.

It’s nice to be seen. It’s good to have your efforts recognized. But that can’t ever be your driving force, not only because it’s fleeting and unpredictable, but most importantly, because it will never fulfill what your restless heart truly longs for: to be called by name by Our Savior and see in His loving gaze the recognition you had been looking for in the people of this world. We must bear the burden of unrecognized effort quietly, stubbornly, not expecting applause or praise, but simply out of love, for God and for the people we are sacrificing for.

Eventually, if we take the narrow road, when we are eventually summoned to His presence, He’ll welcome us with open arms and we’ll hear the words that will make all of this silent effort worth it: “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

Then, and only, then, will you understand that He was watching all along, giving you the strength to continue, and waiting for the moment when He would embrace you and give you the rest, peace, and recognition that you so desperately seek.

Ad Maiora Nati Sumus,

Juan

Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed this post and could leave a like or comment it would be greatly appreciated, as it will help my work reach more people.

Also, if you liked this article, you’ll love my book.

The wonders of technology have had the unintended consequence that it’s now too easy to get by without learning real, practical skills that used to be common in the men that lived before our age.

These skills are not valuable just in and of themselves, but they are even more valuable when you consider that by learning them, a man builds confidence, commands respect, and becomes enabled to truly lead his family.

Catholic men must reclaim the practical competencies that make them fit to lead their families through thick and thin, and that also separate boys from men and passive consumers from cultural and social leaders:

10. Lead a Prayer

Being able to lead a prayer is the foundation of spiritual headship. If you can’t confidently guide your family or friends in prayer, you’re failing at your most basic masculine duty as a Catholic man. Masculinity demands leadership, and that includes spiritual leadership.

How to learn this skill: Raise your hand whenever the opportunity to lead a prayer arises. Start practicing in little groups and low stakes situations. Pray frequently in private and you’ll be ready to pray in public. Remain in a state of grace by confessing frequently and receiving the Eucharist.

9. Manage Simple Finances

Whether you’re single or married, the task of budgeting, investing and financial planning for your household (even if that includes just you) will most likely fall on you. You’re the one responsible for your family’s material security.

Ignorance or lack of natural prowess is not a valid excuse, as this is really a simple skill to learn: create a budget, allocate percentages of that budget to living expenses, saving, investing, entertainment, and unexpected expenses. And then stick to it. That’s basically it.

How to learn this skill: Start practicing by trying to stick to a strict budget for a few months. Make sure that budget includes money for saving and investing, so you can start planning and preparing for the future. Get this book if you want something more in-depth.

8. Have Difficult Conversations

Because we live in such a soft, sensitive age, most of us are no longer used to having direct, difficult conversations. We need to re-learn the lost art of confronting problems directly but charitably.

This means being able to discipline your children, address issues with your wife, speaking truth at work, or having that tough conversation with someone you love. The ability to have these difficult conversations is a good gauge for how prepared a man is to deal with the even more complicated problems of life. A man who shies away from the difficult and uncomfortable is a man who will not be reliable when he needs to be, because he will let fear and anxiety keep him from doing the right thing.

How to learn this skill: Start having the small, uncomfortable conversations you’ve been avoiding, and remember to maintain a spirit of charity throughout them all. Like most skills, the only way to really learn is through practice. Have that discussion, speak up when you disagree and look for other opportunities to voice your opinion when you find yourself fearfully avoiding it.

7. Navigate Without Technology

It’s great that we now have constant access to GPS and navigation technology in our phones, but you never know when you’ll be without them and needing to rely on your real-world navigation skills. Learn to read maps, use a compass and understand directions.

When your GPS fails and your phone dies, you’ll still be expected to be able to lead those you’re leading where they need to go.

How to learn this skill: Try to go a full week without using digital maps unless absolutely necessary. Use printed maps or ask for directions. Become comfortable finding your way around without needing to use your phone to find even the grocery store two blocks away.

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I know so many young men who, even after doing their best to quit, are still incapable of removing p0rnography from their lives. I think this is one of the most prominent sins of our time1, a tool the devil has used to poison the hearts of many, to keep men emasculated, weak and powerless.

It’s really something that pains me to see, because I do believe that it’s basically impossible to move forward significantly in your spiritual journey if you’re still addicted to this vice. I see quitting p0rn as the new “rite of passage” that young men need to go through to leave childhood behind and mature into the men they could be.

As men, we need a high degree of self-control. We need to be able to triumph over our lower faculties and impulses, so we can walk the narrow path without deviating and lead others down the road of virtue. A man who’s still controlled by his impulses and lower faculties is a man who hasn’t yet fully developed, and thus behaves like a boy. This is not a problem when you’re also a boy in age, but it’s a great tragedy to grow old in years and remain a child inside.

I’ll give you in this article the best protocol I know to help you quit this evil vice, as clearly as I possibly can.

Before I share it with you, and for full disclosure: I thought about making this article paid, since I am 100% sure it could’ve brought in a ton of new paid subscribers. However, I genuinely don’t want to paywall a topic that I know is such a big pain for so many men. I have seen in the men close to me the grip of this vice and this battle is a cause that I hold close to my heart.

So I decided to make this article free, in the hopes that it can help as many young men as possible. This blog is how I support my family though, so all I ask from you in return is that if you find value in this article or in my work in general, you consider upgrading your subscription. It’s only $7/month or $70/year for you to get access to all the articles, the full archive, and all the other premium benefits. This is affordable for nearly everyone, and it helps me massively to keep growing this publication and reinvest into this project.

Without further ado, here’s the protocol:

Step by Step Protocol To Quitting Porn

Step 1: See It For What It Is

The first step towards defeating this vice is to gain awareness as to how terrible it actually is. Many men never quit because they either don’t see the need to or they know on some level that it’s bad, but remain willfully blind to the deep darkness of p0rnography so they can keep watching it somewhat guilt free.

I might be strong and offensive in my statements here. It might hurt a bit to read this. But that’s the point. P0rn deserves to be exposed clearly and explicitly for the demonic evil that it is, and you deserve to know exactly how it’s hurting you.

The goal in this first step is to make it impossible for you to hide behind ignorance —willful or otherwise—, and make it impossible for you to justify any usage of p0rn. The first step of this protocol is to make you aware, fully aware, of how evil and dark this habit is. Because once you know the gravity of it, you will be more committed to trying to quit, you will make a bigger effort to purify your life from it, and you will feel the full weight of guilt whenever you relapse. It will be tough, it will be a struggle, but it’s a struggle you must go through to save your soul.

First, be honest and accept that it is never acceptable to watch porn. Not once a month, nor once a year. Never. This will stop you from justifying your relapses because "they are not too frequent". It is possible to quit porn completely, and that is your goal.

Secondly, think about the act of watching porn. You're getting off watching an attractive woman have sex with a man who isn't you. Would you do the same if you were in a room with both of them? You're literally choosing to watch another man have sex with a woman you are attracted to instead of talking to a real woman, developing a loving relationship with her, and marrying her. I want you to really think about it. Don’t hide behind justifications. See the thing for what it is, however shameful that might be. It’s a cuck activity. It’s the lowest of the low. How do you expect others to respect you when you do this?

Think about the men you look up to and think about what they’d think of you if they saw you doing this. Feel the weight of their disappointment. Let yourself recognize how humiliating of an activity it is. P0rn is literally designed to keep you emasculated, controlled by your lower faculties, depressed, lonely. That should make you angry. It’s an enemy who wants to destroy your soul, and you are letting him win.

Thirdly, the p0rn industry is one of the most demonic things there is. Young women, very often underage, are getting exploited, manipulated, their lives and souls destroyed. Young men too. You watching only serves to further promote this industry and contribute to the many terrible sins that are being committed by all people involved in this filth. You are an active participant in the destruction of the lives of men and women all over the world, you are contributing to the destruction of their purity and to the damnation of their souls. You need to realize this so you can do your very best to quit.

Not only that, but by watching p0rn you are also contributing to the cultural decline and to the degeneracy that is slowly consuming the modern world. You become a willing participant in the sodomy of postmodernity, help evil bring about even more cultural decay, and accelerate the destruction of beauty and purity in favor of the filthy and the degenerate.

Watching p0rn is a shameful, humiliating, filthy, emasculating, and plain evil habit. Do not hide from this. Do not try to justify the opposite. I promise you, accepting honestly how terrible it is will make it easier to quit.

Step 2: Do a Thorough Clean Up

You now need to eliminate all triggers. Social media is designed to show you content that will get your attention. Guess what kind of content gets the most male attention? Semi-nude attractive women. That's nothing less than softcore p0rn.

This content serves as a trigger. You want to completely rid your eyes and brain of nude and seminude women and of all other possible triggers. Mark every single one of those posts with the "not interested" tag. This ensures that you don't get anything like that shown to you. You are probably not strong enough to stop the temptation once it starts creeping in, so don’t even give it an inch, and remove the triggers before you even see them.

Unfollow even female “friends” who post provocative content. This might sound extreme, and it is. But it’s your soul that’s at stake. Extreme measures are valid when the stakes are this high. Unsubscribe from any channels that post that kind of content too. Install content blockers on your computer and phone. Turn off your phone and leave it away when going to the bathroom or before sleeping, if it’s causing you to engage in this sin.

Create an environment where you won’t be constantly bombarded by softcore p0rnography, temptations, triggers, oversexualized content and provocative stuff.

Don’t just clean up your digital world. Clean up your actual environment too. Throw away movies, magazines, or even books that serve as triggers. Stop going to degenerate parties. Stop hanging out with people who lead you to temptation and sin.

Everything around you can either aid you in your pursuit of virtue, or hinder you. Again, extreme measures are in order here. It’s 100% worth it to lose those “friends” who constantly cause you to sin. You need to take this seriously and remove those influences from your life.

Stop drinking and consuming drugs that disinhibit you. These push you down the slippery slope and cloud your judgement, and you need to remain clearheaded to fight and win this battle.

Make sure that your environment fosters purity and beauty instead of lust, temptation and sin. Be as extreme as you need to, it is 100% worth it.

Step 3: Develop Incentives

Bargain with yourself and punish yourself if you fail. Develop a structure of incentives that promotes good behavior and punishes sinful one.

Only you know what kind of incentives will be more effective to you, but for example, you could punish yourself with cold showers whenever you relapse. I believe for quitting p0rnography, negative reinforcement is much more powerful than positive reinforcement.

If you do relapse, the next day, sacrifice something that you like. The punishment or sacrifice doesn’t need to be severe, but simply uncomfortable enough to guarantee you start associating lust with a negative consequence. Cold showers are an option, not watching sports or entertainment is another option. Fasting is great too. Make it uncomfortable and painful for you to relapse.

Develop some fitting, uncomfortable punishments and make sure you have the necessary discipline and mental toughness to apply them if you fail.

For this, there are some amazing apps and tools. The best one I’ve seen is Relay app. They are an official partner of Ad Aeternum, so if you use the code AETERNUM you can try it out for free: https://joinrelay.app/adaeternum

Step 4: Separate Your Identity From The Habit

Many men fail because they keep track of the days they’ve been “porn-free”, which is just a terrible strategy, because it simply gives the habit too much importance.

Keeping count of something makes it important. It keeps it relevant. If you are constantly keeping count of the days you've been porn-free, you are telling your brain that this is massively important and extremely difficult.

So difficult that you have to keep track of the days! Every single day, you are thinking about the habit you are trying to quit. That will make it way harder on yourself.

You're also putting unnecessary pressure on yourself: if you were to relapse, you'd beat yourself up thinking "I have to start all over again".

Making it a "streak" and counting the days means that this is something temporary, and that you'll relapse and start all over again. It's not helpful.

The correct mindset to have is to simply tell yourself, "I'm a guy who doesn't watch porn. It goes against my values, it is shameful and disgusting, and I don't even enjoy it."

If you look at it that way, I promise that it will be much easier to quit for good.

You'll have a firmer stand against it, because it becomes irrelevant, just some petty thing that you don't like, not something so important that you have to keep count of how many days you've managed to avoid it.

Separate your identity from the habit. Don’t let it have any mental space. Don’t think about it, don’t keep track of the days you haven’t done it. Forge a new identity through repetition, one that is completely separated from the habit you’re trying to quit.

Step 5: Find Strength in God and Prayer

Lust is most effectively combated through prayer. Learn to rely not on your own strength but on God’s. Call on Jesus’s name whenever you feel temptation start to creep in and rebuke the devil in the name of Christ. Constantly turning to God in prayer strengthens your soul against temptations.

The prayer to St. Michael is helpful too:

“Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil; May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; And do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all evil spirits who wander through the world for the ruin of souls. Amen.”

Pope John Paul II recommends this prayer to obtain help in the battle against the forces of darkness.

Additionally, have some short prayers and scripture verses memorized so you can repeat them in prayer when you need to combat intrusive thoughts, for example.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.
— The Jesus Prayer

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
— Matthew 5:8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
— Philippians 4:8

How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.
— Psalm 119:9-11

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
— James 4:7

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.
— Galatians 5:16

Even if, as Christian men, we have to be strong and resistant to sin, it’s not wise to try and outsmart the devil. He’s a cheater, and he’s smarter than you. So the only protection we really have is Jesus and His Word.

For all my fellow Catholics, I also recommend to consecrate your life to Mary. Mary is the perfect example of purity and chastity, and she’s a great help in battling lust. She leads everyone to her Son and is the help of all Christians.

Step 6: Fast, Pray, and Confess Frequently

Fasting is one of the most effective ways to control lust because by controlling the appetite for food, you also learn the self-control necessary to keep other bodily appetites —such as sexual desire— at bay. Controlling one lower appetite means controlling all other appetites, as they are correlated and require the same self-control “muscle”.

Fasting increases your physical hunger but also your spiritual hunger, and it reminds you of your flawed human nature, forcing you to be humble and thankful for God’s grace.

Prayer opens a direct communication channel with God. Ask Him to purify you. Here’s a prayer for purity:

As for confession, again, from a Catholic perspective, here’s how author and teacher Michael Pennock explains it in his book Questions from Seventh Period: Doc Pennock Answers Teen’s Questions on Life, Love, and the Catholic Faith:

Have you ever wondered how a worm gets inside of an apple? (...) Botanists tell us that the worm comes from the inside. (...) Sin is like the worm. It begins in the heart and works its way out of a person’s thoughts, words, and actions.

How do we Christians deal with sin (...)? He’s given us a great way to undo the damage of sin in our lives—the sacrament of Reconciliation. When we go to confession we are saying: “I want to be good—right now! I want to (...) bear good fruit for Christ. I want to get rid of sin that is disfiguring me.”

The sacrament of Penance (...) is Jesus’ gift to assure us of his forgiveness of our sins and lighten our hearts. Unless we confess our sins, they will continue to eat away at us. Sacramental confession is medicine to the soul. (...)

How often should you go to confession? (...) The Catechism of the Catholic Church states:
"Individual and integral confession of grave sins followed by absolution remains the only ordinary means of reconciliation with God and with the Church" (CCC, 1497).

(...) Strictly speaking, if we have not committed mortal sin, we don’t have to go to confession. But the Church recommends regular celebration (...) to grow in holiness by practicing the virtue of humility, (...) and fighting pride, the root of all sin.

Why go to confession?

• To experience Christ’s love firsthand. (...) Jesus forgave sin and continues to do so today through his Church (...): “Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them...” (Jn 20:23).

• To tell the truth about ourselves. We all sin. (...) “If we acknowledge our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins...” (1 Jn 1:8-9). (...) Naming our sins is a sign of contrition and true repentance. (...)

• To reconcile with others. Sin alienates a person from God, self, and others. (...) Confession acknowledges that we need to reconcile ourselves to God and the Christian community. (...)

• To grow in holiness. (...) The sacrament gives us a more sensitive conscience and teaches us to detest sin, resist mortal sin, and love virtue.

In my experience, the value of this sacrament cannot be understated: simply having the courage to speak out, name our sin, recognize we failed, and ask for forgiveness is an exercise in humility that is difficult to replicate outside of confession.

If you are not a Catholic, you might be inclined not to do this. But then again, confession is part of the method I’ve found to be most effective for me and others, so I encourage you to try. If what you’ve been doing so far hasn’t been working, maybe it’s worth trying something different.

Step 7: Be Relentless, Stay Busy and Don’t Lose Hope

I recommend you also stay busy, both mentally and physically. It’s easier to relapse when you’re idle, bored, and full of energy. Train hard, to the point of exhaustion. Work hard too. Pray even harder. Get busy with productive activities, so that during the day you don’t have time or space for lustful thoughts, and at the end of the day you are actually tired and can go to sleep straight away.

Defeating lust is one of the most difficult battles we can fight today. It’s easier for some and more difficult for others, but do not expect to win this battle without having to fight. If you truly want to rid yourself of the addiction to p0rn, you need to be prepared to be relentless.

Maybe for you it’ll be easy to quit altogether, and never relapse. But if it’s not, do not be discouraged. Get back up and try again. The one thing you cannot do, under any circumstances, is lose heart and think it’s impossible to quit. You can quit, and you will quit, as long as you never lose hope and never stop striving for purity.

………………………..

Come back to this post as often as you need to, and if you’re a man who has successfully managed to quit p0rn use, drop a comment sharing your best advice for those who still struggle.

I want this article to serve as an open forum where we can share collective wisdom and help out those men who are doing their best to cut this demon out of their lives. Please share it too, to help it reach as many men as possible.

I hope this article helped you. Stick to the protocol and let me know how it goes.

God is with you, you are in my prayers, and surely too in the prayers of all the men who fight this battle alongside you.

Ad Maiora Nati Sumus,

Juan

Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed this post and could leave a like or comment it would be greatly appreciated, as it will help my work reach more people.

Also, if you liked this article, you’ll love my book.

It’s common, as you progress in the spiritual life, to feel as though you already have cleaned up the most obvious, scandalous sins. Perhaps you have already matured to the point where you can safely say that the dramatic failures of your early twenties are safely in the past, and are now committed to a life of Mass, prayer, and intellectual formation.

That is great, but that situation often comes with a feeling that something is wrong. Prayer feels like a chore and you stop reaching the depths you could access back when you were just converting. Beneath the apparently ordered surface of a serious and committed Catholic life, it is frequent for a kind of spiritual “dryness” —difficult to pinpoint or explain— to arise in your heart.

St. Bernard of Clairvaux wrote about that exact problem in 1120 AD, and he produced a diagnostic so precise that it hurts. And yes, it has to do with your phone addiction.

Who Was St. Bernard of Clairvaux?

St. Bernard of Clairvaux was a twelfth-century Benedictine abbot and Doctor of the Church, author of the book De Gradibus Humilitatis et Superbiae (The Steps of Humility and Pride), in which he described the twelve descending steps from humility into pride. The book is a beautiful breakdown of how a soul can self-destruct progressively, beginning with just small, practically unnoticeable steps and ending with vice and ultimately, open revolt against The Lord.

The bottom of the ladder that St. Bernard describes is not really surprising at all: we all know that the ultimate act of pride is to reject God altogether. The top of the ladder, however, the very beginning, is surprising. St. Bernard does not place sins like lust, anger, or avarice at the beginning of the ladder, but something almost invisible instead, which most men would probably not even recognize as a vice.

The First Step Towards Pride: Curiosity

The first step of pride, according to St. Bernard, is curiositas, which is not curiosity in the regular sense but more specifically the wandering of attention away from self-knowledge and toward the observation of others.

This great Saint describes the symptoms of curiositas with careful precision:

The first degree of pride is curiosity. This you may detect by the following signs. Look at that monk, whom you have hitherto supposed to be a sensible man. He has now taken to staring about him, whether he is standing up, walking about or sitting down. He thrusts his head forward, and pricks up his ears. From his outward movements you can clearly see the inward change that he has undergone. The careless sluggishness in self-examination makes it inquisitive about others.1

It’s not that it’s wrong to have a degree of healthy curiosity about things, but rather that when left unchecked, curiositas can start leading to pride because it is a mechanism through which your attention shifts from the interior life towards the outside. Thus, the attention that should be directed toward God and toward genuine self-knowledge and examination, begins to be directed toward other people. From this small misdirection (if left unchecked), Bernard argues, the entire architecture of pride begins to build.

“Just One More Reel”

Obviously, St. Bernard in his book is describing something that in his context could mean a monk craning his neck during the Divine Office to observe his brothers or a brother looking sideways to see who was praying more fervently, who seemed to be struggling and who appeared to have more spiritual fruit than him.

For the average layman in 2026, the content has changed entirely but the mechanism remains identical. We might not be monks comparing ourselves to our brothers, but we are men deeply enslaved by curiositas. When we pick up our phones almost without noticing and waste twenty minutes being fully immersed in everything that other people are doing or saying, we are doing something structurally identical to the monks St. Bernard is talking about: we have redirected our attention away from our own interior life and toward observation of others. This will always, undeniably, lead to comparison.

St. Bernard explains exactly what happens then:

The monk who observes others instead of attending to himself will begin before long to see some as his superiors and others as his inferiors; in some he will see things to envy, in others, things to despise. The eyes have wandered and the mind soon follows.

Think about it: envy and contempt. The two characteristic emotional products of social media. And St. Bernard prophetically linked them to curiositas 900 years ago. Modern problems truly have ancient solutions.

St. Bernard goes on to explain exactly what curiositas does to the interior life, and it’s nothing short of destructive. Thankfully, he also prescribed a single counter-practice that directly reverses the damage, and it’s something you can start doing right now to avoid curiositas, reclaim your attention, and start moving forward in your spiritual life.

Read more

The Cultural War on Purity

No matter how much you seek to avoid drama, new Sydney Sweeney controversies still somehow manage to find you. Most recently, the internet was once again up in flames due to her ad for the company “Novig”, in which she poses naked to promote sports gambling.

In an ideal world, neither you nor I would know who Sydney Sweeney is or what Novig does, and yet here we are, me writing about them, and you reading about them. However, I’ll do my best to ensure that this article moves on swiftly from their specific case onto a few —hopefully— more profound arguments I want to make.

The ad in question angered a lot of people, for various reasons, some valid, some not. For me, personally, it’s just another reminder of how much our culture wants us to be perpetually preoccupied with sexually charged advertisements and entertainment.

Most people who have given this some thought would agree that our culture has declared an open war against purity, and that it’s not a coincidence that millions of dollars are spent every single day trying to get you to fall into sexual immorality. Give them bread, circuses, and sexually explicit content and they’ll never revolt.

In media, ads like the one we just mentioned are quite common, and big brands are even using OnlyFans “models” to promote their products. Because about 90% of all visual real estate is now advertisements, this means that wherever you go (or wherever you look), you’ll encounter photographs and videos of nude actresses or sex workers trying to get you to consoom.

Then there’s entertainment: series like Euphoria or Game of Thrones make of nudity and sex one of their main marketing points and allow softcore pornography to become accessible and accepted in every household. People like Lily Philips and Bonnie Blue reach mainstream fame by competing on who can sleep with the most men in the least amount of time (I wish I didn’t know who those people were), and on and on it goes, with an entertainment industry pushing all possible buttons to ensure that no one ever dares to attempt to pursue the virtue of purity.

Even in academia or in the realm of “science” you see sexually immoral behaviors being promoted: The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University announced on September 30, 2025, headline results from a clinical study concluding that "masturbation can relieve menopause symptoms." Interestingly enough, the study was funded through "Womanizer's Pleasure Fund, a five-year, $300k commitment" from the sex-toy brand Womanizer. The jokes write themselves.

Planned Parenthood, however, refuses to surrender its undisputed title for the most degenerate institution ever, and thus chooses to promote masturbation to children as young as 12 and call it “liberation”.

I think that’s enough proof of the very simple thesis that gives this article its title: there is an ongoing war against purity, and the world wants you to be forever lustful and to remain a slave to your sexual impulses.

Why Would the Enemy Want This?

But why? What’s the point? Why would the principalities of evil that rule this world want this to be the case? What’s the agenda and what’s in it for them?

It’s wise to consider these questions before letting yourself be convinced of what some might deem a “senseless conspiracy”, because pondering the reasons behind certain cultural phenomena allows you to filter out the nonsense and distill whether or not there is some truth in what is being said. And if you ask yourself those questions, you’ll realize that the enemy has every reason to want to make you lustful.

A few months ago I posted a series of viral articles, the first one titled “Sexual Sin Makes You Dumber”, in which we went over the Thomistic principle of the “eight daughters of lust”, eight negative effects that persistent sexual sin has on the will and intellect. I'll spare you the details here, as the full series is linked below, but offer the main conclusion: sexual sin makes you dumber and weaker through various psychological and spiritual mechanisms.

Our intellect is a tool that we can use to arrive logically and rationally at the conclusion that God is real. And our will is essential in persevering in the fight against sin, and in ordering our actions towards the good.

You can see now why the enemy would want you lustful: clouded by sexual sin, your intellectual power will be limited and your will will be softened, making it much more likely that you remain blind to the truth of God’s existence and incapable of pursuing the disciplines required to get there.

Many great saints have written about the terrible effects of sexual sin. In another article, we discussed St. Peter Damian’s Liber Gomorrhianus, and extracted from it another worrying effect of sexual sin: the isolation of the sinner. As I wrote in that piece:

Sexual sin has a particularity that makes it different from all other sins: it is by nature uniquely self-enclosing among the passions. Other sins like anger, avarice or pride are often visible to others and are thus somewhat subjected to social control. Sexual sin, in contrast, is usually secret It requires concealment to survive, and that concealment over time creates within a man an entire interior region that is carefully hidden from everyone around him.

Damian is clear: sexual immorality expels the virtues from your heart and opens it up to every barbarity of the vices. Thus, if your faith has been undermined, your hope weakened, your charity broken, and your prudence blunted by sexual immorality, you have a structural problem that leads to isolation and the feeling of being unknown. These are the social consequences of lust’s destruction of the interior life.

When a man is consumed by sexual immorality, he stops being capable of developing genuine relationships, because any authentic relationship requires the mutual knowledge of each other’s interior.
— Juan Domínguez, St. Peter Damian on the Social Dimension of Sexual Sin

Just think about what this means for the average male friendship, and even worse, for the average marriage. It’s clear that we are going through an epidemic of male loneliness, and Damian’s insight just makes me wonder: is this somehow caused by the demon of lust and by the hold it’s taken over our culture?

No relationship can flourish without honesty. A marriage even less so. Maybe over 50% of marriages wouldn’t end in divorce if purity was a virtue we still lived by, so that we could be fully open about the contents of our hearts instead of living to hide a part of us that brings us shame and dishonor.

How Can We Walk a Different Path?

Spiritually

I’ve written amply about chastity, and I’ll link some recommended articles at the end of this one. But I want to offer some clear guidance right here as well.

Lust is a physical and psychological problem, yes, but it’s also deeply spiritual. That’s why most attempts to quit porn and other forms of sexual immorality that do not include spiritual work eventually fail.

So, spiritually, you have a few tools at your disposal, all of which will be weapons in your war against lust.

First and foremost, you need to be living a rich sacramental life. You cannot defeat sin on your own. That’s a fact. It’s also a fact that God can give you the grace you need to defeat it. What logically follows is that by accepting God’s grace through the sacraments, you will receive the strength required to defeat the demon of lust. Receive the Eucharist often (more than once per week), go to adoration, and seek to remain in a state of grace by confessing as soon as possible after committing mortal sin.

Our Lady and St. Joseph are also great helpers in the fight against sexual immorality. You can pray to them to ask for their intercession:

Jesus, Lover of chastity, Mary, Mother most pure, and Joseph, chaste guardian of the Virgin, to you I come at this hour, begging you to plead with God for me. I earnestly wish to be pure in thought, word and deed in imitation of your own holy purity.

Obtain for me, then, a deep sense of modesty which will be reflected in my external conduct. Protect my eyes, the windows of my soul, from anything that might dim the luster of a heart that must mirror only Christlike purity.

And when the “Bread of Angels becomes the Bread of me” in my heart at Holy Communion, seal it forever against the suggestions of sinful pleasures.

Heart of Jesus, Fount of all purity, have mercy on us.

Another thing you could do is pray to St. Maria Goretti, who’s the patron saint of purity. There’s also a popular novena (nine days of prayer) to ask for her intercession, which you can read more about here: https://novenaprayer.com/st-maria-goretti-novena/.

Practically

Now, onto the more practical tips to quit porn and other forms of sexual immorality, here’s a quick summary (there’ll be a full protocol linked below):

• See it for what it is: strip away the justifications and accept honestly how destructive pornography is, both to yourself and to the people who partake in it. You cannot fight it if you keep thinking it’s “not that bad”.

• Remove all triggers: mark provocative content as “not interested,” unfollow accounts that cause temptation, install content blockers on your phone and computer, and restructure your physical and digital environment to prevent occasions of sin even before they arise.

• Stop drinking and using substances: alcohol and drugs lessen your willpower and cloud your judgment, both of which you need to overcome this battle.

• Create negative reinforcement loops: when you relapse, give yourself an uncomfortable consequence (a cold shower, fasting, giving up entertainment) to break the psychological association between lust and pleasure.

• Change your identity: stop counting the days that you are “porn-free”. Tell yourself simply: “I am not a man who watches porn.” Change your identity and you’ll change the behavior.

• Pray in the moment of temptation: invoke the name of Christ, pray the Jesus Prayer, and rebuke the temptation directly.

• Consecrate yourself to Mary: she is the model of purity and leads every soul toward her Son.

• Fast regularly: controlling your appetite for food trains the same self-control muscle needed to govern sexual appetite.

• Go to confession frequently: naming the sin, receiving absolution, and being held accountable sacramentally is one of the most practically powerful elements of the entire protocol.

• Stay busy: idleness leads to relapse. Train hard, work hard, pray hard, and leave no empty space for lustful thoughts to take root.

• Never lose hope: the one thing you cannot do is conclude that the battle is lost, because that’s when you actually lose.

Finally, I always recommend Relay, a Christian app designed specifically for overcoming pornography and sexual sin. There’s a ton of positive testimonies of men who’ve overcome porn addiction, masturbation, and other forms of sexual immorality with the help of the structured protocol that Relay offers. Many men (even some close friends) have also told me personally it made the difference after other methods failed.

If you have been trying other methods and they haven’t worked, you could give this one a try and see if it helps you. You can get a 7-day free trial with the code AETERNUM:

Try Relay for free here

If there’s one thing I’d like you to take from this article, it’s this: the enemy wants you weak, dumb and addicted to your base impulses, and is using the machinery of culture to achieve that. You can fight back and win this battle, but it requires a radical commitment to live differently, a complete surrendering of your life to God, and the perseverance to keep getting up after you fail.

Only once you understand the overwhelming strength of the forces of impurity will you understand just how impossible it is to fight them alone. Maybe that is what’s required for us to open our hearts to the transformative power of The Lord, and allow Him to fight this battle through us, to strengthen us, and shield us from a world that desperately wants us to lose ourselves in sin and immorality.

May God bless you in this fight, and know that you’re in my prayers.

Ad Maiora Nati Sumus,

Juan

Further Reading and Additional Resources

Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed this post and could leave a like or comment it would be greatly appreciated, as it will help my work reach more people.

Also, if you liked this article, you’ll love my book.

You don’t become a man simply by getting older. Back when life was harder and when masculinity wasn’t something we needed to talk about, boys naturally became men when they reached a certain age. The trials and difficulties of becoming a responsible adult forced them to mature and leave their childhood behind much earlier than today. In fact, in our day and age, it’s increasingly common to see 40 year old boys, who never really grew up and who remain stuck in perpetual adolescence.

It is what it is. Our society pushes for this. There’s a war against masculinity and there’s an intentional effort to prevent men from ever growing up. Boys are emotional, unstable, dependent, immature, and easily swayed by advertisement and the media. Is it any wonder that the powers in place want men to remain children forever? A society of man-children is a consumerist society, that will never rebel against any system, never take any ownership, and remain endlessly enslaved by entertainment, cheap dopamine, and distractions of all kinds.

Whatever the causes of this epidemic of immaturity, the fact remains that there are no longer many real men among the younger generations. Just listen to the most common complaints of women, especially within Christian circles: it’s almost always something along the lines of “there are no real men left”. Yes, I know there are also a lot of things we could say about the state of femininity nowadays, but I speak to men only, and it’s undeniable that we have a lot of work to do as well.

What Causes Male Immaturity?

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways.
— 1 Corinthians 13:11

Why is it that some men remain childish and immature?

The answer is pretty obvious, and Saint Paul tells it plainly: childish ways. To become a man, you must put the things of children behind. You must develop a new identity, in which you don’t speak, think, reason, or act like a child.

While that sounds simple enough, it begets a follow-up question: what, then, are those childish ways that we need to give up? What are those things that separate men from boys?

That’s what I’ll try to answer in this article.

There are a lot of obvious things that we need to give up in order to grow up into the men God wants us to become: childish games, childish entertainment, and childish external influences. Even though giving those up is definitely an important part of the process of growing up, I think they are more symptoms than root causes of immaturity.

Instead, I want to discuss 5 childish behaviors that aren’t so commonly spoken of but go much deeper than the external signs of immaturity mentioned earlier. For the modern man, from what I’ve seen, aside from the things already mentioned, there are 5 unspoken and distinct things that keep him childish and immature.

It’s likely that this article will offend some readers, but I want to make something clear: I’m not writing this from a position of superiority nor is it my intention to criticize and judge arbitrarily. I do not have all of this figured out, but I’ve been able to gain awareness about some things that definitely do not help me act like a man. If you relate to some of the childish ways that I’ll mention in this article, and feel the temptation to become defensive and emotional, take a moment to reflect whether that might be because deep down you know that you need to make some changes and leave behind those childish things.

I will explain what these childish ways are, and then provide both general and more specific strategies to grow out of them and into a purposeful, mature, masculine man.

So what exactly are these things that are keeping you a boy?

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After I got married a few weeks ago, I started noticing a very interesting pattern among some of my male friends with girlfriends: they looked genuinely excited about the prospect of marriage, but that excitement was always followed immediately by elaborate postponement.

“A few more years.”
”Once my career is more stable.”
”Once I feel ready.”
”Once I finish this degree, this project, this phase of my life.”

This is not an attempt to criticize them —I also thought that way until very recently—, but rather something I have been observing ever since I decided to propose to my girlfriend, and that is that the average male believes marriage requires a long list of things that need to happen before it’s a sensible decision to commit to a woman for life, instead of seeing it as the foundation of stability and real progress.

Yes, It’s Possible to Not be Ready

Now, before moving on, I think it’s necessary to clarify something, given the title of this article: there is such a thing as rushing into marriage. It’s absolutely possible to be unprepared for such a big decision. But this is not the case for most men who claim they are “not ready to marry”.

There are valid reasons for choosing to avoid a serious relationship until you have reached a solid baseline. If you are deep into vice, for example, or if you have left deep wounds unhealed, it’s necessary and prudent to spend some time drawing nearer to The Lord and letting Him work on your heart. If you are too young and immature, it’s also likely that you’d be better off waiting and discerning the decision properly.

But there’s a fine line between those valid reasons and wanting absolute perfection, control, and stability before making the commitment. “Not ready” usually means —beneath the surface— fear of permanent commitment, attachment to the perceived freedom of choice of single life, and the comfortable lie that there exists a point in the future when you’ll feel fully prepared, fully in control, and fully secure to make a choice and commitment of this magnitude. The issue, in short, is that a man who says he’s not ready at 29 (with some exceptions), will rarely be ready at 35, he’ll just be older and more used to postponing.

Individualism

There’s a great tweet I saw on X a few weeks ago which motivated me to write this piece:

You see, in a weird way, waiting might not make you more ready for marriage, but less. Because unless you are very intentional about the fact that the time spent waiting is dedicated to becoming more detached instead of more attached to the things of the world, with time, you’ll become individualistic instead of selfless, and less prepared to share your entire life with another person.

Consider the logic of it: if two people have spent 15 years learning to be alone, devising perfect routines for themselves, and getting attached to the way they do things, it will be much more difficult for them to create a life together.

When Are You Ready, Then?

The short answer: it depends. However, it’s never about feeling perfectly ready, but more so about being confident in the direction you’re heading toward. You are not supposed to have everything under control or figured out by the time you propose. You are not God, and He’s not asking you to be. You need a genuine orientation toward holiness, a stable enough foundation to provide at a basic level, a clear sense of vocation, and a woman you genuinely believe God is calling you to marry.

Have prudence, pray, and discern your decision properly, but have also the courage to be fully honest with yourself and with the reasons behind your postponement of commitment.

If your vocation is marriage, that means that that’s where you’ll be most fulfilled, and that means that finding and committing to a good woman is your path to sanctity. If that’s so, why postpone it beyond what’s strictly and absolutely necessary?

Ad Maiora Nati Sumus,

Juan

Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed this post and could leave a like or comment it would be greatly appreciated, as it will help my work reach more people.

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One of the most frequent struggles modern men face is inconsistency. Most of us have started and quit more things than we can count: training programs, prayer routines, diets, business ideas. The same pattern repeats incessantly: we begin full of motivation, and then slowly, we start to lose our willpower to continue. Doubt creeps in, and it starts to become difficult —or rather, impossible— to find the strength and discipline to continue.

The reason we quit isn’t because we lack motivation, or even discipline; it’s because of a vice that St. Benedict identified almost 1,500 years ago: acedia.

The magisterium defines acedia as:

Interestingly, in Eastern Christian tradition, acedia (translated from the Greek akēdia, "lack of care") appears among the eight evil logismoi, and signifies sluggishness, depression, sadness, or a feeling of taedium. It’s a deep apathy about spiritual things that drives you to seek escape and distraction.

St. Benedict understood that in most cases, what leads to us giving up too soon has its roots in the logismoi of acedia, manifesting as a restlessness and lack of stability that makes it difficult to persevere and be disciplined. Thankfully, he found a way to combat this vice, and we can do the same.

St. Benedict’s Vow of Stability

There was a massive problem among monks in sixth-century Europe. They were drifting from monastery to monastery, always searching for the “right” community, and the most comfortable life. When prayer got difficult, they’d move. When conflicts arose, they’d leave. When routine became too boring, they’d seek something more exciting. They were becoming spiritual tourists, picking and choosing different monastic lifestyles without ever committing.

St. Benedict noticed this, and he came up with a radical —but quite effective—solution: the vow of stability. It was a vow of absolute commitment. If a monk entered his monastery, he was required to commit to that place for life. He was required to accept that he would be living at the same location, with the same brothers, living the same routine every day, until death. There was no monastery shopping, no escaping when things got hard. It was a lifelong commitment, taken in an effort to avoid the dangers of the shiny object syndrome that was plaguing many monks at the time.

Benedict was fighting something more dangerous than mere geographic instability. He understood that moving from place to place was but a symptom of a deeper problem, that of a restless heart that believes the next thing will finally work, or that somewhere else is where you’ll find peace. He understood that restlessness made it incredibly difficult to explore the depths of the soul, achieve any sort of mastery, and get closer to holiness.

You cannot grow deep roots if you’re constantly transplanting yourself. You cannot become excellent if you abandon things when they stop being easy. The vow of stability was Benedict’s weapon against spiritual wandering. And fifteen centuries later, it is just as relevant for us, because even if we’re not monks wandering from monastery to monastery, we are being attacked by the same kind of acedia that paralyzes us.

Acedia in the Modern Age

There are too many options nowadays. In a globalized, digital world, we can engineer basically everything we want about our lives.

If you’re one of the lucky ones born in a developed nation, you have an array of endless opportunities, options, and choices regarding how to live your life. You can choose what to eat, where and how to work, what to believe in, who to surround yourself with. We are no longer limited by geography and there are fewer and fewer roots keeping us tied to a place, a job, a group of people, a routine. That is in some ways a good thing, but the negative side of it is that it’s very difficult to commit to anything over the long term when there always seems to be a better option, a brighter object, a happier place.

This restlessness manifests across all areas. In spiritual practices, like when you want to start praying the rosary daily and then quit after two weeks. In fitness, when you pay for a full year at the gym only to quit two months in. In your career, when you are constantly trying to find a new job. In your love life, when you break up at the first sign of trouble, always looking for a newer, more exciting relationship. In your skills, when you want to learn something new and buy a course to never put it into practice.

The pattern is exactly the same, over and over again: initial enthusiasm → routine → boredom → quitting, right when the real work is supposed to begin.

The Devastating Cost of Instability

This instability might seem like a small matter, but if you think about it, the consequences of this failure to commit are dire:

• Spiritually, you never build your faith on solid ground, and it becomes dependent on your feelings. This makes it shallow and weak, liable to crumbling when suffering comes.

• Professionally, you never become excellent, as you’re always having to learn and adjust to new jobs and environments. By switching all the time, you miss the opportunity for compound growth to happen.

• Relationally, you will never form strong friendships, you’ll have trouble committing to a woman for life, and your family won’t be able to depend on you, as you’ll be erratic and unreliable.

• Psychologically, you’ll be a victim of anxiety, always thinking you’re missing out on something better, and slowly starting to identify as someone who just can’t finish what he starts.

• Materially, even, you’ll waste money and opportunities jumping from one offer to the next, choosing the newest “investment” that comes, never able to settle and build a solid financial foundation.

This restlessness has a terrible compounding effect, in which instability in one area bleeds into all areas until you become “the guy that tries everything but commits to nothing.”

To see solid progress at anything, a long-term commitment is an absolute requirement. Without the preexisting promise that you’ll work through the difficulties, and work to solve the problems that will naturally arise, you will never move past the emotionally exciting stage of a relationship, a business, or the spiritual life, into the more difficult but more meaningful slow, daily work that truly moves you forward.

We have to learn how to stop being restless. That’s how we can finally commit to something and truly grow. Thankfully, the wisdom of St. Benedict can guide us.

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I’ve recently been noticing a drastic change in how the average person responds to Christianity. A few years ago, it seemed like almost everyone who did not profess the faith perceived Christianity as something mostly negative: any mention of religion, Christ, the Bible, or the Church would receive prideful scoffs and rolling eyes in response.

Now, it feels quite different. Now, Christianity is becoming “cool” again. Even people who do not profess the faith wear its symbols (you’ve surely seen the cross necklaces, clothing items, earrings and other pieces of jewelry), and the average response when you tell people you’re a Christian —except among those most hostile to religion— is one of approval, and often even one of slight admiration.

I believe people are starting to realize just how sad a world without Christ is. I believe this is a good thing, and I love the fact that it’s becoming easier to share the Gospel without being attacked (in the West, at least). I do think that this is a time of many honest conversions and a time for Christ to transform the hearts of thousands who used to brush Him off as a fairytale.

However, I think the fact that Christianity is becoming something “cool” now is not without risks. As with any belief system, the further it spreads, the easier it is for it to become shallow and performative. This is just what happens with any trend: it begins with a group of strong adherents, but when it reaches critical mass, more and more people start to join for all the wrong reasons.

My goal with this short article is simply to offer a warning to those of you who might be new to the faith, and motivate you to take it seriously. To adopt it not as a trend, but as a covenant, as a promise that you are making to follow Christ until the end.

You see, the early Christians were a heavily persecuted vast minority, and even though that meant that their lives were marked by great suffering, it also served as an automatic filter: only the ones who truly, truly believed in Christ and only those who were willing to lose everything for Him would call themselves Christians.

Then, with time, Christianity became more popular and accepted. Of course there were —and there still are— persecutions, but at least in the western world, after the scandals within the Church at the beginning of this millennium which so greatly hurt its image, we are now at a point when proclaiming the Christian faith receives much more social approval than it did a few years ago or, obviously, during the first couple centuries.

Christianity becoming mainstream and “cool” opens the door for people to approach it with impure intentions. There are now real, tangible incentives to claiming to be a Christian. For the apostles, there was none. They knew their faith would bring only pain and suffering, and they professed it anyway because they truly believed it. Today, a man might claim to be a Christian to be seen as moral, to be able to wear its signs for fashion, or to gain some form of approval, attention, or praise. The danger is that all of us are liable to these temptations, and thus we must beware and self-examine ourselves daily so that we do not fall into the shallow faith that gets abandoned at the first sign of hardship.

Not every one who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
— Matthew 7:21

The main difference between the real faith that endures and the shallow faith that quits is the commitment to the most fundamental aspects of Christianity: a man of real faith will make it a point to receive the sacraments frequently, study his faith, submit to the Church's authority even when it is inconvenient, and remain faithful even when the cultural approval disappears.

While I hope and pray that all the recent conversions are sincere, I think there’s a high chance that many aren’t, but we will only know for sure once Christianity becomes hated again, once the persecutions start, and when our faith once again costs us something. Suffering is a filter that separates those who truly believe Christ is Lord from those who just say it as a marketing slogan. This is not only true on a social and cultural level, but on an individual level as well: it’s easy to proclaim the faith when everything is working out in your life. It’s not so easy to remain faithful when the deserts come. And they always do.

Do not think that you are fully converted yet. Do not forget that perseverance, fortitude, and total commitment are required to endure this race. Ask the Lord to purify your intentions daily, and remember that if you profess the name of Christ, you have a responsibility to imitate Him until the day you die.

That means that there might be a Cross for you too, and that like Him, you must be willing and able to carry it lovingly.

Ad Maiora Nati Sumus,

Juan

Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed this post and could leave a like or comment it would be greatly appreciated, as it will help my work reach more people.

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There are few things more noticeable about the average modern man than his inability to leave the precious comforts that enslave him, and to break free from the prison of perceived safety that makes him shy away from any real challenges.

We live most of our lives stuck in our own thoughts, ruminating endlessly on the possibilities, risks, and different life paths that open before us. We live vicariously through movies, TV shows, video-games, and through the false scenarios we replay within our heads. All of this provides a comfortable escape to avoid nearly all purposeful action, and it breeds a cowardice that puts on the convincing mask of prudence, so that we can justify our lack of courage and avoid the shame that should fall upon us for our cowardice.

The Habit of Cowardice

This apathy is, contrary to popular belief, not a chemical imbalance or a psychological problem needing a drug prescription, but a created habit. Every time you choose to avoid a risk (a difficult conversation, a bold decision, a creative attempt, a commitment), you’re not merely staying in your comfort zone, but sinking deeper into the cushioned prison cell that you have made your home. You are training your will to prefer avoidance, certainty, and the illusion of retaining full control over your circumstances. Over time, your “avoidance reflex” strengthens, making you feel less and less comfortable with taking the necessary risks that lead to growth with each passing day.

Even worse, with each cowardly choice to shy back from the uncertain, the threshold for what feels like an acceptable risk begins to rise. You become capable only of choosing the safest option, because safety is what you have unconsciously elevated to be the guiding principle of your life.

This can only be fixed by a conscious effort to take more risks, which is in turn only possible once you understand the theological implications of believing yourself capable of avoiding all situations of uncertainty.

The good news is that what became atrophied through habit can also be rebuilt through habit by following a surprisingly simple protocol, but first it’s key to understand why risk-aversion is fundamentally a theological problem.

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Most men instinctively know that each of us is created uniquely and intentionally by God. Each man was designed, perfectly crafted, and brought to life at a specific time and for a specific purpose.

“For thou didst form my inward parts, thou didst knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise thee, for thou art fearful and wonderful.
Wonderful are thy works!
Thou knowest me right well; my frame was not hidden from thee,
when I was being made in secret, intricately wrought in the depths of the earth.
Thy eyes beheld my unformed substance; in thy book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

— Psalm 139:13-16

There is however, a big problem that most men face whenever they start trying to live righteously, grow in virtue, and align their will with God’s: they don’t have a framework for understanding themselves, their potential, and the role they are created to play upon this earth.

It’s difficult to truly improve if the starting point for robust self-knowledge is missing. After all, if you don’t know what kind of clay you’re working with, how will you know how to best shape it and what to make with it?

The good news is that, as with most dilemmas we face, the Christian tradition has figured it out already. There is a way and a framework to know yourself better, to understand your struggles and talents, and thus better know what you ought to develop, and how you should approach your desire to increase in virtue.

Temperamental Theory

The theory of the four temperaments is not a personality test or a self-help typology, but a classical, well-studied framework, rooted in ancient medicine and developed by historical figures such as Hippocrates, Galen, and eventually St. Thomas Aquinas. Temperamental theory, in short, gives us a framework for understanding the dominant passions and natural inclinations that shape how a man responds to the world:

The four temperaments are:

• Choleric: driven, decisive, naturally commanding, prone to anger and impatience.

• Melancholic: deep, analytical, idealistic, prone to perfectionism and interior suffering.

• Sanguine: warm, sociable, enthusiastic, prone to inconsistency and distraction.

• Phlegmatic: calm, steady, reliable, prone to passivity and avoidance of conflict.

It’s important to note that most of us (if not all) are a blend of two or more temperaments rather than a pure type, and that no temperament is objectively better than any other, as they all have their own natural virtues to develop and natural vices and temptations to avoid.

The Four Christian Masculine Archetypes

While temperamental theory is tremendously useful on its own, it sometimes lacks the archetypal framework that allows us to grasp the meaning and ideal behavior of each predominant temperament fully. For that, at Ad Aeternum we developed the framework of the four Christian Masculine Archetypes, which serves as our formation model.

Think of it like this: if the temperaments tell you how you are wired, the archetypes tell you what you are wired for. In practice, they tell you what form your masculine vocation could take, what the specific demands of your character are in terms of formation, and what the specific temptations of your archetype look like.

The Knight: The Righteous Fighter

This is the man of action, discipline, persistence and great physical courage. His temptation is often violence or domination without justice, and the exercise of strength without charity. The Christian Knight mainly exemplifies the virtues and struggles of the Choleric, with the key distinction that he submits his strength to the service of a higher cause, and uses his persevering, competitive nature to further that cause. He understands his responsibility as a natural born leader, and he uses his fortitude to inspire and lead others, instead of using it to boast, feel superior, or put others down.

Most importantly, he understands that he owes his strength to God, and thus stays obedient to Him.

The Monk: The Patient Pillar

The Monk represents the man of contemplation, theology, and interior depth. His temptation is withdrawal from the world into the comfort of his own mind, and gathering knowledge without ever taking action. The Monk is an archetypal representation of the phlegmatic temperament.

The way in which the Christian Monk can make the best of his temperament is by meditating on the eternal questions, and by placing the knowledge that he gathers to the service of others, serving as a patient guide for those who want to find the peace of God.

The King: The Charismatic Ruler

This is the man of authority, order, leadership, and social intelligence. His temptation is people-pleasing and following a comfortable, un-sacrificial model of leadership. The King as an archetype seeks to reflect the virtues and battles of the Sanguine temperament.

In a Christian sense the King is not merely a ruler, but a servant-leader, following Christ’s model of kingship: humility, self-sacrifice, and the responsibility and commitment to lead others towards God and virtue. The Christian King knows how to lower himself, be humble and surrender to God’s will. He’s also able and determined to listen to those who look up to him, see them for what they are, and empathize with them.

The Prophet: The Just and Wise Messenger

The Prophet is the archetypal representation of the melancholic temperament: the man of moral clarity, cultural critique, and reflection. His temptation is bitterness, self-righteousness, speaking truth without love, and hopelessness when faced with the harshness of the world.

The Christian Prophet orders his passionate heart towards longing for God and towards the honest pursuit of heaven. He realizes that no amount of beauty in the world will satisfy him, so he turns his attention towards the eternal. The Prophet also seeks to share this longing for beauty and the contents of his heart with others, as he’s genuinely interested in helping others attain salvation.

Why Does This Matter?

Understanding your temperament and finding out the main Christian masculine archetype that reflects your own being is interesting on its own, but it’s also highly useful, in my opinion, for four reasons:

1. By understanding your own temperament you can grow in self love, and see yourself closer to how Christ sees you. You’ll be able to stop comparing yourself to others and understand that your battles are different and unique, and so too your victories. The essence of this self-acceptance is to see yourself as God made you: not perfect, but perfectly created, unique in your

   strange ways but just as valuable as the next man.

2. The pursuit of sanctity is a perpetual uphill climb in which you’ll need to use every tool at your disposal if you are to be successful in reaching the mountaintop. Being blind or oblivious to your temperament and to the virtues and vices towards which it naturally inclines you is to handicap yourself and make an already tough battle even tougher.

3. Knowing about the four temperaments and archetypes allows you to understand others better, to comprehend their inclinations, their struggles and their strengths, so you can grow in charity, love, and empathy. It’s easier to be empathic when you understand that other people’s battles are so incredibly different from yours.

4. Knowing your own temperament will help you to be better equipped to make important decisions in your life when it comes to choosing a career, a calling, a direction to follow professionally, or simply what to do every day with your life. You cannot hide from the particular inclinations of your heart. God gave you a specific temperament for a reason, and if your heart tugs in a set direction, it’s worth listening to it.

As you can see, learning about temperamental/archetypal theory can actually help you significantly in your path towards sanctity. Whether you discover, after reading more about this framework, that you possess the bright fire of the Choleric Knight, or the sensitive soul of the Melancholic Prophet, once you learn to see yourself as God made you, it’s much easier to discover your true calling, to put your talents to the service of others, and to be more aware of the temptations that could most easily lure you towards the darkness.

One of my best-selling books is titled Knight, Monk, King, Prophet, and it’s an in-depth breakdown of the framework we just discussed. It goes deeper into the history of the theory, the specifics of each archetype, the theology behind it, the saints who embodied it, the specific vices each type is prone to, and the concrete formation path that each requires. If you found this article interesting, you can learn more about the temperaments and masculine archetypes by ordering the book here. The book also comes with a questionnaire to help you discover your predominant and secondary temperaments.

Read more about the book here

Self-knowledge necessarily precedes self-love, and the understanding of others precedes true charity. That’s why this framework is so powerful, and that’s why every man who doesn’t learn about it will be missing out on an amazing formation tool that has been fundamental in the conversion and purification of many men, myself included.

Never forget, however, the main purpose of knowing yourself: to shine the light of Christ on all your flaws, vices, and sins, so you can purge them from the depths of your broken soul, imitate Christ more closely, and become worthy of heaven.

Ad Maiora Nati Sumus,

Juan

Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed this post and could leave a like or comment it would be greatly appreciated, as it will help my work reach more people.

Also, if you liked this article, you’ll love my book.

This past Saturday, I married the woman I love. We’ve come a long way in the 5 years that I’ve been writing about masculinity, and it’s crazy to look back and see how much I’ve changed, how many of you have become my friends, and how providential God has been throughout it all.

I feel profoundly grateful. Grateful to God, who brought her into my life at exactly the right moment and in exactly the right way. Grateful to her, for saying yes to my proposal and for being the supportive, kind, faithful woman I had always dreamed to marry. And grateful to all of you, whose support of this project over the years has made it possible for me to pursue the vocation I believe God has called me to and be able to support my now growing family.

Just wanted to give you a heads up that there will be no articles this week. We are currently on our honeymoon (this post was scheduled beforehand), and for once I am taking my own advice about putting down the phone and being present to what is in front of me. We’ll go back to our regular schedule next week!

Finally, if you have been thinking about supporting Ad Aeternum, now is a particularly meaningful moment to do so. A paid subscription or a one-time donation or wedding gift goes directly toward sustaining the work I’m doing and, as of this week, towards building and providing for my family. There is a donation link below if you feel moved to contribute, and it would mean more than I can say.

Donate or send us a gift here: https://donate.adaeternum.com/

Become a paid subscriber here: https://www.adaeternum.com/subscribe

Thank you for being part of this and see you all next week! Please keep us in your prayers.

Ad Maiora Nati Sumus,

Juan

It can be quite heartbreaking to confess the same sin over and over again, trying our hardest to break free only to find out that the temptations of the world continue to defeat us.

You probably know how it is: you pray for strength, join accountability groups, read books on purity, make resolutions, delete apps, and promise God, once again, that this time you will really try your hardest.

And then you fall again.

The battle against sexual sin can be discouraging, as we realize the sometimes overwhelming strength of our foe. But we can find comfort in knowing that many great saints have fought the same battle, and look towards them for advice.

Most notably, St. Augustine in his Confessions details his intense struggle against the temptations of his former life, and his testimony serves as a reminder that no matter how powerful the enemy is, God’s grace is even greater.

What we learn from St. Augustine is that you won’t break free from the temptations of lust if you keep fighting the wrong battle and try to force yourself to stop doing things that deep down you still want to do. You’re asking God to help you resist temptation while secretly hoping He’ll let you indulge just one more time.

St. Augustine knew this trap intimately. This is what’s called “the divided will”, and understanding it can be the key to finally defeating the vices that still enslave you.

St. Augustine’s Struggle

St. Augustine was already recognized as a brilliant thinker and rhetorician from an early age. His status in the history books, as well as his role in the development of Christian doctrine speak to his incredible wisdom and his profound faith. We all know he was a genius, but what many don’t know is that he was a man who struggled deeply —and I mean deeply—, against sexual temptation.

From around age 16, he describes his ongoing battle with lust:

This was the age at which the frenzy gripped me and I surrendered myself entirely to lust, which your law forbids but human hearts are not ashamed to sanction.

Until well into his thirties, St. Augustine lived enslaved by sexual sin: he was trapped in lust, spiritually tormented, and living with a mistress. And yet, he was a man who deeply longed for God’s comfort, even while trapped in this seemingly endless cycle of sin.

He knew it was destroying him. He knew God was calling him to something higher. And yet, night after night, he returned to the same sin, the same emptiness, the same shame. His mother Monica prayed fervently for his conversion, his friend Ambrose preached the truth to him with power and Augustine himself longed for freedom, for purity, for God and His deliverance.

The Divided Will

The problem, however, which this great Saint soon identified, was that he didn’t truly want to rid himself of his sin. Some part of him still wanted to pursue the pleasures of the flesh, and yet another part of him genuinely desire God’s saving grace and to do away with his sinful lifestyle.

For years, he prayed one of history’s most honest —and most damning— prayers: “Lord, make me chaste, but not yet.” Augustine’s prayer was an admittance of the fact that he did not want to let go of his sin. He was addicted to his sinful ways, and even worse, he actively wanted to remain addicted.

With his will divided, St. Augustine couldn’t break free. He was asking God to change him while refusing to let go, perfectly encapsulating the divided will.

What follows is one of the most gut-wrenching and relatable descriptions of how the grip of sin makes our will become divided, by whispering and seducing us in order to make us keep desiring our chains:

Trifles of trifles and vanities of vanities, my old mistresses, held me back; they caught hold of the garment of my flesh and whispered in my ear, “Can you let us go? And from that instant we shall see you no more for ever; and from that instant this and that will be forbidden you for ever.”

What did they mean, O my God, what did they mean by “this and that?”

O let Thy mercy guard the soul of Thy servant from the vileness, the shame that they meant!
— Confessions, Book 8, St. Augustine.

St. Augustine realized after years of struggle that as long as you still want the sin, you’ll keep returning to it as often as possible. If the will is divided—one part wanting God, the other part wanting the sin—, the part that wants the sin will always end up winning.

Why The Divided Will Keeps You Enslaved

Breaking free from sin requires nothing less than a complete surrendering to God. In that sense, it requires an intentional commitment of our will to accept His saving grace.

This is why trying to fight against sin with a divided will is so problematic: being lukewarm in the battle is pretty much the same as giving into sin completely. True change requires ordering your love, not just your actions. It requires reordering your desires towards God, so that you can unify the divided will and want only God.

It’s not enough to just try harder, you have to let God transform your heart.

Some examples of how this divided will manifests practically could be:

• Confessing a sin you plan to commit again

• Apologizing while knowing you’ll probably do the same again

• Going to confession while keeping the porn app on your phone

• Asking God to help you resist while refusing to avoid occasions of sin

If we refuse to cooperate fully and to surrender our entire lives to Christ (which requires being radical in rejecting sin), we’re setting ourselves up for failure.

We have to stop wanting the sin. That’s how we break free from it. Of course that’s easier said than done, but once again, we can look at St. Augustine for guidance as to how we —strengthened by God’s grace— can accomplish this.

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All that it takes for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

I also dream of something simpler: my wife, my children, some animals, and a peaceful life in the mountains, away from the chaos and toxicity of our times. I dream about throwing my phone into a crackling fire and watching it melt away, taking with it all the anxiety and pain. I dream about returning to the way we lived before, when all a man knew was what was right there in front of him.

When I walk around my city and all I see is gray on top of gray, when the power lines distort the view of heaven and when that same heaven is hidden behind a thick cloud of pollution and dust, I think about this dream.

When I see the men around me hide their pain behind sad smiles, when I see them numb themselves with alcohol to forget the sorrow in their souls, I think about this dream. And as much as it pains me to accept it, my dream is naive and cowardly, for to live it would be to abandon the fight and run away into hiding, leaving behind all those souls who are lost and hurting. This dream is impossible in a world ruled by evil.

We are the weak men amidst the hard times. And it will stay that way until someone has the guts to lead the charge and bring about the next phase of this never-ending cycle. Someone has to do it. Might as well be us.

We were born in the middle of a silent war and maybe God's will is for us to lose ourselves in our work and dedicate our lives to some purpose that will help reclaim the culture. Even if we crash and burn in the process. Perhaps that is how we’ll get to make a dent in the world and help those that will come after us live in a world where not everything is toxic.

I accept the possibility that I won't get to see the end of this war. All I can hope for is that before my death comes, I will have done some good, and I will have fought bravely and honorably, for a cause greater than my own selfish goals and dreams. I can only hope that when I stand before God, He looks upon me proudly, and tells me I did well.

I hope that we sacrifice everything we have and secure a better world for those souls not born yet, and live our lives clawing at the belly of this beast from the inside out, so that our grandchildren can see the light outside. If we are not to see the fruits of our sacrifice, so be it.

Maybe then will your descendants and mine live in a green, bright world, and be able to enjoy God's earth without running this demonic race against the machine of evil that we call progress. Maybe then there will be virtuous wives for every man and honorable men for every woman. For us, there might be only war. Fifty years of disappointments, fifty years of pain, fifty years of necessary sacrifice to expose the horrors that lurk beneath the surface of this putrid and corrupted social fabric. 

Maybe someday will your descendants and mine be free to live as they please, without black boots pressing their necks, without tyrants watching their every step. Without this technocratic monstrosity that we’ve built tracking their every thought.

Maybe then will your grandchildren and mine return to the woods, and live out their days farming, laughing and working under the beautiful clear sky. In peace.

Maybe they will live off the land and forget the ailments of the poison that we now feed our children, and maybe they will enjoy the dream that we couldn’t. 

But not us. Not now. Not here. Not today. Our duty is to fight. If we are to give our children the freedom we strive for, we can’t cowardly retreat and abandon the fight. We must sacrifice our own peace and choose total war. Only then, perhaps, will your sons and daughters see the open sky again. 

Only then, after this silent war has ended and a fresh world has been rebuilt from the ashes of this new Sodom, will your sons play barefoot in the grass under skies that are blue again.

And we will look down from Heaven and know our sacrifice was worth it. For even if we couldn’t enjoy the blessings of tomorrow, they will, and through them we live on. 

Ad Maiora Nati Sumus,

Juan

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One of the most effective tricks that the devil has pulled is the way he’s convinced most well-intentioned Christian men that making peace with mediocrity is actually an expression of humility.

He has convinced us that ambition is pride, that smallness of soul is virtue, and that aiming for more is always, necessarily selfish. The consequence of this scheme is that most men now operate under a mindset that justifies mediocrity: they not only have accepted smallness, but have actually constructed a seemingly valid justification for it, calling it humility.

St. Thomas Aquinas gave this condition a name eight centuries ago: pusillanimitas. Smallness of soul. He classified it as a sin, and most specifically, as a sin opposite the virtue of magnanimity.

Whereas some other, more scandalous sins are easier to recognize and treat, the sin of pusillanimity is trickier, precisely because it hides itself behind a veil of false humility that too easily blinds men to the dangers of small-mindedness and gives them a comfortable excuse to avoid the hard work that greatness requires.

As we’ll see, however, the vice of mediocrity is greatly destructive, as it makes it nearly impossible to truly aim for holiness, and therefore handicaps us when it comes to pursuing the vocation of all Christians.

What is Magnanimity?

Aquinas describes magnanimitas as the stretching forth of the mind toward great things, in Summa Theologiae II-II, Q. 129:

He mentions that magnanimity is a virtue under fortitude, and the accurate recognition of one’s God-given capacity and the willingness to act in proportion to it. The magnanimous man, for example “deems himself worthy of great things in consideration of the gifts he holds from God” 1.

The important thing to note here is that magnanimity doesn’t go against humility, as it has nothing to do with boasting or feeling prideful, and it is instead a way of converging upon the same truth as humility. Humility is understanding that everything you have comes from God and belongs to God. Magnanimity is understanding that it’s because of that that you are responsible for doing something good with it. Having genuine gifts and refusing to use them isn’t really humble, but rather evasive and cowardly. In contrast, magnanimity means daring to pursue great things because you recognize and treasure the gifts God has given you, instead of burying your talents in the ground out of cowardice.

The Opposite Vice: Pusillanimity

Aquinas defines pusillanimitas in Q. 133 as the vice opposed to magnanimity by defect. It is possible to go against magnanimity by thinking too highly of yourself or by falling into prideful arrogance, but that’s not what we’re dealing with here. The pusillanimous man underestimates himself, or more precisely, refuses to engage with the question of what he is actually capable of out of fear of what he might find out. In practical terms, pusillanimity looks like:

• Staying in a phase of “vocational discernment” for years without ever committing and putting your talents to good use.

• Having a business idea, a creative project, an apostolate, or some calling you’ve been “preparing for” in private while never actually taking action.

• Consistently defers to others to make your decisions for you because stepping forward and carrying the banner means there’s a risk of failure.

• Reframing your fear of commitment as prudence, your fear of failure as humility, and your fear of greatness as contentment.

According to Aquinas, the pusillanimous man sins not because he has wrongly estimated his gifts but because he has refused to even look for and use them. He even cites the parable of the talents to exemplify the vice of pusillanimity:

Hence it is that the servant who buried in the earth the money he had received from his master, and did not trade with it through fainthearted fear, was punished by his master (Matthew 25; Luke 19).
— St. Thomas Aquinas, ST II-II Q. 133, A. 1.

The servant in the parable was not condemned for losing the talent his master gave him but for burying it out of fear. And is this not the story of the modern man? That he fears failure, and even success, so much that he opts to never dare?

We know then that pusillanimity can disguise itself as humility, so the critical questions that arise are: how does a man tell the difference between the two? And what does genuine magnanimity require of us practically?

We can look at Aquinas for answers, as he identifies the precise difference between genuine humility and the sinful smallness of soul we’ve been criticizing. Once this is understood, we can devise a practical plan to foster magnanimity and kill the mediocrity that has kept you timid and fearful all this time.

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